7 weeks 5 days + head cold

Had my second ultrasound yesterday and man was that a relief! Our little bean actually caught up some which helped me breathe easier. Measuring 5 weeks at 5 weeks 5 days was really causing me concern but yesterday at 7 weeks 4 days, she/he was measuring at 7 weeks 2 days so only 2 days off! Woohoo! And we got to see the little heart flickering away at 154 bpm, after which my husband let out the breath he was holding. He was as relieved as I was.

So my nausea actually did start up shortly after my last post. I was worried it wouldn't and then bam, here with a vengeance! The good thing is I haven't actually tossed my cookies yet, just have a constant nausea that nags at me all day every day unless I am eating. With my son, I was puking all day every day and couldn't even keep crackers down. So this is not near as bad. It still sucks nonetheless. And on top of that, I knew yesterday I was starting to get sick with a head cold. You know that feeling that your head is just full of pressure and you just feel out of sorts? I always get that the day before I get sick and today of course I woke up with a full blown, can't breath, head pounding cold. UGH! I know my immune system is down some right now but if it's going to cause me to get sick it could at least stop attacking my feet and give me a break from this insane arthritis! Walking around with what feels like broken toes and ankles that won't bend on a bed of sharp rocks is really taking a toll on me. I have to wear the same pair of flip flops every day with every outfit and it sucks! So gonna keep praying that gets better like everyone says it will.

And I just want to say how happy I am for all the bloggers I follow who also got their bfp's this month! Hoping that's a good sign for all of us! I know I have not had any losses and they have so I hope that my fears and insecurities about this pregnancy don't come across as annoying. I can't imagine what they've all gone through and I hope I don't have to experience it but I know it's a possibility. But I am so very happy for them because they so deserve to have a healthy and happy pregnancy and a healthy newborn on the other end of this long journey they've been on. So my heart goes out to you guys and you are always in my prayers! God Bless :-)

6 weeks 4 days (by my calcs)

So I'm in the 6th week and have yet to start the dreaded nausea! Yesterday I had some slight nausea but I think it was due to my meds because today, have 0 nausea (so far). I know it's crazy for me to want nausea but right now I just don't feel like it's real yet. When I'm puking my guts up, that's when I'll feel like it's real! Oh well, I guess as long as I have no bleeding and no cramps I'm good. I'm still slightly worried that my ultrasound measured me being 5 weeks instead of 5 weeks 5 days. I'm praying when I have my next u/s next week it will have caught up or they were measuring wrong! The waiting is the worst!

Right now I am super tired, only peeing alot at night, having headaches, face is oily, had an eye infection this weekend (I think it had something to do with my autoimmune disorder, it's supposed to be part of it they say) and that went away (thank God!), and my feet hurt SOOOO terribly bad! All the docs have told me that autoimmune disorders usually go into remission during pregnancy because your immune system is weaker but so far, I've had the opposite going on. My joints in my toes are more swollen and stiff and painful than they've ever been, I feel like I'm walking on rocks all day, my ankles won't move much and hurt like crazy, and my ribs kill me at night so I have to sleep in the recliner. This is no fun at all! I go back to see my rheumatologist next week so I'm hoping she can give me some hope that maybe there's something I can take to help with the flare that won't harm the baby. But at the same time I'm so scared to take anything! Well, just gonna keep praying that this stuff really does go into remission soon, otherwise it's going to be a very long 8 months.

I'm still trying to start a new pregnancy after infertility blog that will also cover pregnancy with autoimmune and back problems. Before getting pregnant I googled for months trying to find others that were pregnant or had been through pregnancy with degenerative disc disease. My lower back and SI joints are just a total mess and I know right now I'm ok but I'm terrified of the second and especially the third trimester. I've read some horror stories like losing feeling in one leg or having to have surgery while pregnant and I'm just not looking forward to what could happen. I know I usually expect the worse so I hope this turns out that way and I do ok. So many people wonder why I haven't had surgery yet and then tried for a baby but right now, no doctor wants to do surgery on me because of my young age and the fact that pregnancy could put too much strain on fused vertebrae and cause even more problems. So my plan is I will have surgery after the baby and they can fix anything that has gotten worse during pregnancy along with the rest all at one time. It may not turn out like I want but I'm here now and there's no turning back! If I have to spend the last half of my pregnancy in a wheelchair or in bed, I will do so and it will be worth it! I am so thankful God has blessed me with the pregnancy and I truly believe He will get me through it one way or another.

So anyway, I will post when I get my new blog running for anyone that's interested. Hoping it will be more successful than this one has been lol.

Back, still pregnant!

I've been out for a few days, still trying to get a new blog set up and all that. Had my first ultrasound on Thursday! I was a bit disappointed because I know about when I ovulated and I know I could not be off more than a day or two and should be 6 weeks exactly tomorrow and I would have been 5 weeks 5 days Thursday. My gestational sac measure only 5 weeks!!! What the heck is that about? Needless to say, I'm worried and anxious and frustrated and will be until I see the second ultrasound in two weeks. If the dates aren't caught up by then I'm afraid I might have implanted late which does not bode well for viability. Maybe I'm borrowing trouble and it's perfectly fine but being a worrier anyway isn't helping me! Just praying it's all perfect and I'm crazy !

As far as symptoms, not much to speak of. Boobs still sore, some round ligament pain (which is weird this early) and not much else. I honestly felt more pregnant last week than this week. Guess I should enjoy it while I can but I can't help but worry still. Oh this is gonna be a long two weeks and even longer first trimester!

First Beta...Blog Transition

Soooo after getting my BFP yesterday morning, I had my first beta and progesterone yesterday afternoon. I'm a little disappointed in my beta number, it's only 136. Considering I was 16 dpo according to FF, that's not an amazing number. If I was really 15 dpo then it's better but there's no way to really tell now. My progesterone was 37 which is really good. But that Hcg number needs to double or triple by tomorrow so asking for prayers on that front.

On another note, I have been dealing with some terrible drama from my husbands ex-wife and it's taking a severe toll on my sanity. She claims I've hurt her son's feelings and am mean to him. I feel like she's being unfair and vindictive because all I've done is discipline the kid and he always runs home, tells half the story, and they get mad at me. It's rediculous and it's killing me because now she won't allow me near her daughter who is my husband's biological child (the boy is not). I love both of them but now because she and her mother are full of so much malice and hate an couldn't come to me like adults, just attacked me, on Facebook!!! How childish is that?!!! Anyway I've prayed about it and have been the one to apologize and they still refuse to respond so only God can take care of it now.

As for the blog, I'm thinking of transitioning from TTC to Pregnancy and changing it up a bit. So far I've gotten zero comments and only one follower so it seems my blog is not successful. I read it more than anyone else. Soo, I've got some research to do to find out what makes a blog tick. But anyway, that's all the news on this front.

Symptoms:
Insomnia!!!! Woke up at 3:30 am and could not go back to sleep.
Not hungry, have to force myself to eat, nothing tastes good.
Boobs hurt
Stretching pains near pelvic bone
Tiny spotting yesterday and today, so tiny its hardly visible.
Increased heartrate
Achy muscles
Shortness of breath
Panic attack today (ugh, had these with my son, not fun!)

A MIRACLE BFP 16 DPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe that I'm actually getting to post these words! It's unreal, I just can't even believe, I'm beside myself!!!! Got my BFP this morning with SMU and it's clear as day! Like OMG!! Wow, it feels too good to be true.

Thank You Lord, thank You!!!

So today started out like any other, I expected my temp to drop some more. I was not trusting when FF said my O date was so the app said I should have started yesterday but my calculations I thought I really would have started today. On 14 DPO (or 13 by my calculations) I woke up in the middle of the night with some slight spotting. And seeing as how FF expected AF to start the next day, I assumed it was AF showing up already. Well when I got up the next morning, there was no blood whatsoever. Which I thought was weird. So I thought, if I spotted last night, I've gotta start in a day or two. My temps have been dropping for 3 days straight so I knew there was no way. But when I woke up this morning, my temp shot back up to 98.0. And I though, how could that be? What's up with that? Then I got a little hopeful. I headed out for work, stopped by Wally world and bought some FRER's and came in to work. I had a really really bad weekend with my husband's ex wife and mother being really cruel to me and lying and calling me a bad stepmother and it was just awful. Now I can't see my youngest stepdaughter because of it so my whole weekend was nothing but alot of crying. So when I came in to work, I had to tell my office manager about the events of the weekend. She of course was very sympathetic and made me feel alot better. She's like a second mamma to me and is always there for me. After all that and crying, I decided to sneak to the bathroom and take a test. So I did, and right away, second line!!! I was faint at first but got very dark after it sat for the whole 5 minutes. Oh my gosh I could have screamed for joy in that bathroom! I jumped up and down and did a little happy dance and praised the Lord for this blessing! We were sooo sure this month was a no go because the last bd'ing we did didn't seem to be very successful. But lo and behold, apparently his swimmers are still good!

The first person I told was my bestie who has a 2 year old little boy who is my god son. She has been my bestie since we were 3 years old and I love her dearly. She's been there for me every step of this journey as my encouragement and shoulder to cry on. I don't know what I'd do without her! Of course you'd think I'd tell my hubby first but he's at work and I couldn't talk to him. I did text him the photo of the positive HPT though so I'm sure as soon as he gets off he's gonna get a huge surprise! Maybe he won't break down and cry in front of all his coworkers lol. But I know it will make the rest of his week much better.

I will go for labs this afternoon. My doc's nurse said he wants to make sure my progesterone levels are good and my beta is good. So if you pray, please pray all that comes out great! If my progesterone is not great they will give me supplements. I've been using a cream but it's not as potent as what they prescribe. I'm on my prenatals already and also on metformin that I'm assuming they want me to continue.

For a breakdown of my symptoms by DPO, this is what I can remember:

1dpo: nothing out of the ordinary, just leftover cramping from O
2dpo: same
3dpo: still some cramping, not much, nothing else new
4dpo: noticing that temps are flatlining at 97.7, sort of strange
5dpo: creamy cm, back hurts, feel bloated, bad heartburn
6dpo: backache, bloated, crampy, heartburn, boobs starting to hurt
7dpo: cervix soft, closed (normal for this time) backache, heartburn, huge temp spike up to 98.2
8dpo: backache, cervix medium, closed, heartburn, boobs sort of sore underneath, temps back down
9dpo: same, backache, boobs hurt underneath, heartburn
10dpo: backache, feel full in lower abdomen, cramps, bad headache, heartburn
11dpo: cervix high, firm, closed, cramps, no backache, headache, sore throat, excess postnasal drainage (yuck), temp 97.7
12dpo: temp up to  98.1, no cm, headache, boobs hurt underneath, sore throat, excess mucus in throat
13dpo: temp drop to 98 (really sounds like af on her way), still sore throat and excess mucus in throat, peeing several times at night
14dpo: temp drop to 97.9, so sure AF is gonna show up! slight spotting in middle of the night, gotta be af on her way. Sore throat gone, throat mucus still there, NO CM at all, boobs still sorta sore, peeing alot at night
15dpo: temp drop to 97.7, what is the deal here? where is af if my temp keeps dropping? No cm, boobs less sore, been a hard day so crying alot but with all the accusations and hatred flying at me it's expected I'd be crying anyway.
16dpo: temp shoots up to 98.0, what the heck?!! Hmm, go to pee, no AF at all, nothing. Take test at 9am, BFP!!! boobs not very sore at all, still have some excess mucus in throat, pretty emotional, can cry at the drop of a hat, noticed very tiny spot of blood on tp when I check cervix at 2 pm. Really praying this is for real and not chemical! The line is so dark on that test, I hope that that is a good sign!

10-11 DPO

Here we are on 10-11 dpo (not sure since FF says 11 but I'm thinking 10) and nothing much new to report. Besides being very irritable! Ha! Not new for me since starting this whole ttc ordeal. Hormones are not my friends! Ummm I have had some cramping every day since O, kind of full bloaty achy feeling in my lower abdomen. Trying not to read into that though. My feet still hurt like crazy. They aren't quite as swollen as they were so they are moving more but having stiff joints go from no movement to moving makes them hurt more. All the docs I see say pregnancy can make an autoimmune disorder go into remission so it'd be nice if this "less swollen" stuff means something! One very weird thing that's been happening (warning probably TMI) is I have orgasms in my sleep...so strange! I remember having them a lot when I was pregnant with my son and since we've been ttc, I've had them twice. Usually in the two week wait but usually only once. So far I've had them two nights in a row. I know that it may not mean anything and probably doesn't since I've had them without being preggo but ya know, any little sign of hope helps! They are extremely painful and not fun, nothing like having one while awake. It's like I will start waking up as it's ending and it feels like severe cramps in my uterus and they last for a while after I'm awake. I'd like to say they are awesome but they are not, they are sooo painful! I'm just praying that if implantation has/is happening that it's not going to hurt anything. K and I are so careful during the tww and I've heard that IVF patients are advised not to have an orgasm during the tww to avoid dislodging or interrupting the implantation. But I hope that's just for them. But anyway, yeah, strange!

On other fronts, school is about to start and I am SO thrilled! I've had a house full of 5 children for most of the summer and it is really getting to me! My husband's oldest daughter (15) babysits the younger ones so she has to be at my house and watch them every day. On the weeks my husband is home we don't have them all as much but it still feels like they are living with me. Don't get me wrong, I love them all! But I could not imagine having 5 biological children in the same household (especially a small house like ours)! I don't have the patience for it at all! So schoolyear: hurry up and start! I need a break! Which brings us back to my irritability. I feel so guilty because I just have no patience and don't really like the kids right now. I love em but my fuse is very short and they are testing me to the uppermost limits, let me tell ya!

Anyways, my chart this month is weird. My temps started out flatlining at 97.7 for 4 days right after O, shot up for 2 days to 97.9-98.2, now are back down to 97.7. Weirdest chart I've had in a while. I'm thinking it has something to do with not being on clomid this cycle because that made my progesterone levels high during the luteal phase and even though I'm using progesterone cream right now, I'm wondering if my P levels just aren't that great right now. Which does not bode well for a successful pregnancy. Think I'll test early and if I get a miracle, will call my doc right away to get me on supplements.

Well that's all for today! Praying  praying praying for that miracle!