Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Here we go again...2 years later!!

WOW! I can't believe it's been 2 years already! Our C man turned 2 on April 3rd and all of a sudden, his daddy and I feel like we are ready for another! Are we crazy? Maybe slightly lol our family would certainly say so considering this would be #6 for him and #3 for me! As terrible as it sounds, the day I found out he was going to be a boy, I was already dreaming of trying for another when he turned 2! I haven't even considered it up until now which is so crazy that it's 2 years exactly since then! I think at the time my logic was that his oldest half sis would be 18 and heading off to college. Well, she is 18 (as of Dec 26th) but this last year was WAY different than any of us expected! In April of last year (shortly after C's 1st birthday), she was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in her femur. Long story short, she spent 9 months in treatment at St. Jude in Tennessee (6 hours away, many many many long weekend trips!!) but we are so blessed because she is still with us and if you saw her on the street, you would never know what she went through or that she has a titanium femur and knee now! She got to come home in January of this year and was given the "all clear" so she is doing great! She has a couple of lung mets that have been there from day one but they aren't growing so they are just continuing to watch those at her 3 month scans. Well, despite that arduous and crazy journey, she is still going to graduate with her class and go to college in the Fall!! What did I say..blessed!! God is amazing!!!

Now, back to our "plan"..about a month ago, my bff found out she was expecting #2 (her 4 yr old is my sweet God son :-)) and that did it! lol Baby fever bug attacked me with a vengeance! For some odd reason I was having prego symptoms that came out of nowhere that month (even though hubs and I were taking all preventative measures except BC) but turned out it must have been sympathy symptoms! lol I kept telling myself NOOO this can't be, I can't handle another! But in the back of my mind I couldn't help but start hoping lol Well that was it, I knew I wanted to try for another but have been so anxious and hesitant to move forward since we live in such a small house, are trying to remodel and sell it this year, and of course the thought of H having a relapse and going back into treatment is always at the back of our minds :-( But, hubs and I talked it over (after he spent the last year telling me he was way too old to have another at 37 lol) and we both feel like maybe we might get our little girl this time but of course, we had that same plan last time and God had better plans! :-) So this time, while I dream of ribbons and pink everything, I am going into it knowing that even if God decided to bless us with another little man, I would still be thrilled!!

So this has been the first month "not trying not preventing" since I have to jump into charting and all that again and I don't know what's what anymore in my cycle. We have agreed to not go crazy this time and just accept God's will whether we fall prego or not and we won't be doing treatments or doing all the hormone testing and all that. We just are going to trust God's will is perfect and if He means for us to be blessed again, we will be! I DO know that after having C, all my periods came back completely regular and I have been ovulating on my own (as far as I know, I get tons of EWCM like clockwork around day 14 so I must be.. right?) so I think that this round may not be as difficult as the last (I'm praying so!!) and we won't end up spending a year TTC but just a few months maybe? Recalling last time, I was dealing with major PCOS issues after having the awful M.irena IUD removed and none of my cycles were regular and I wasn't ovulating.

But.. here I am in the TWW at about 10 dpo. Symptoms so far have been a bit odd this cycle but seeing as how I've spent the last 2 years ignoring all symptoms throughout every cycle, it may just be that I'm paying attention now. For the first few days after my "assumed" O date (last Sunday, CD14), CM dried up of course as usual and I had major indigestion for about 5 days. Temps have hovered around 97.6 with a dip on 6 DPO down to 97.4 then back up to 97.6. UnfortunatelyI've had quite a bit of cramping, bloating and small pulling type twinges. I can't recall ever having cramping in my LP but again, maybe I was and ignored it! I do know that I never have AF cramps until the day she shows up so we shall see if I do that this time! I don't seem to have any breast tenderness and after looking back at this time 2 years ago, I did have that so that's discouraging. One weird thing that has happened this cycle is last night I woke up at 2:30 a.m. to a major night sweat which I can't ever remember experiencing before. Then when I temped at my usual time this morning, my temp was all the way down to 97.3..very odd and I don't know whether to look at it as a good sign since it's out of the ordinary or a bad sign..Anyway, I will probably test tomorrow morning since I'm obsessive like that. And keeping my prayers going! So there it is guys, here we go again! :-D

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