Saturday, May 5, 2012

CD 19, 6 DPO

Been a few days since I've posted, but I haven't had a whole lot going on. The only noteworthy symptoms I've had are sciatic pain, alot of af-like cramps, and right now some very strange tingling in my index and middle fingers on both hands (carpal tunnel?). I decided that symptom spotting was sort of a waste of time since progesterone rising causes most of them and when it drops right before AF, those symptoms go away, no matter how much they felt like pregnancy symptoms. So I don't feel like I can really rely on the symptoms I do have, even though they are sort of different from last month. I've also stopped taking my Met.formin. It was making me so nauseous all day and it was fooling me into thinking I had morning sickness but turns out it was the medicine. I've also felt very lethargic this week, napping in the afternoons and just being tired in general. I don't know how much of that is just that my hubby's been gone all week and I fall into the doldrums or if it's something else. But, like I said, not going pay too much attention to it.

I start counseling sessions next week. I've come to the realization that my anxiety issues are just too much for me to handle on my own anymore. I've always been a "worrywart" but as of this last year, I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like, I feel I'm responsible for everyone else's life being "ok" and I feel like I have to find a way to make sure all of our children grow up as moral and Christ loving people. I know that I am not responsible for that, I contribute to it by being an example and sharing wisdom with them when I can, but it is ultimately God's decision to save them. "No man can come to me unless the Father, who sent Me, draws him, and I will resurrect him on the last day" John 6:44. So yes, I know I am not responsible for their salvation. But for some reason, knowing that doesn't stop me from worrying if I don't give them the right verses or explain the Bible to them and God's will to them just right, they will never find Christ. It's a burden I am not called to bear but my brain blows everything out of proportion. I'm extremely sensitive and tend to "dwell" on things that are out of my control. I hate it. It's not fun and I don't want to feel this way anymore. So, I'm going to see a Christian counselor this week and find out if it's some deep rooted psychological issue from my childhood or if I have some weird chemical imbalance. And of course, I'm praying about it. God's answered some big prayers for me lately which is so amazing so I will continue to "pray without ceasing". He is bigger than any mountain I may face and I believe that with all of my being.

So, here I go, through my second week of the TWW. This oughtta be fun right? :-) We shall see...

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