Thursday, July 5, 2012

Looking back..hope

So I created this blog mostly just to keep track of my journey through TTC and pregnancy and to be able to look back on where I've been. Looking back at earlier posts in the last 3 months, I find my posts to be almost silly! I symptom spotted to such a degree that every time I was so sure my miracle had happened. At this point, all I can do is laugh at myself! This journey has definitely made me realize how wrapped up we get, how completely consumed we are with trying to conceive a life. It's maddening really! Now, I find symptom spotting has become utterly useless since all pre-af symptoms resemble pregnancy symptoms anyway. Last month, the day before af showed up, I had to pee every 30 minutes. And of course I thought that was weird but I didn't even get my hopes up. Sure enough, she showed up the next day with a vengeance! This month.. almost no symptoms at all. Cramping here and there but nothing significant. Nausea here and there but I'm on Metformin so nausea is my constant companion anyway. So I've resigned yet again to not get my hopes up. I think the saying goes "hope for the best but expect the worst". That's where I am. I still have hope, I won't give up hope. God tells us that He is our hope so that is where I must place it. Hope in Him and hope that His plan is just around the corner and greater than my own. But I also know he could tell me no. That's something I struggle with. I don't want it to be no. But I don't know my future and what He holds for it so I have to trust that He knows better than I do because of course He does! He's never failed me before and despite the trials I've been through, my life is pretty great.

So here's to hope! And an assurance that no matter the outcome, God is faithful and we will be blessed. :-)

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