Hope everyone had a blessed Christmas! Ours was great, stormy but still great! Totally pigged out since it may have been my last day to eat any sugar lol. Getting my glucose test this morning since the baby is 2 weeks ahead in size. Got done with the awful orange drink at 9:25 and just waiting on the finger prick now. Praying I don't have it! I'm terrible at not eating stuff I'm not supposed to lol. I have zero willpower anyway but now it's worse! I will update when I get the results.
**Update** No GD! Woohoo! They actually said my sugar was extremely low which I usually do have due to the PCOS (high insulin, low glucose) but I guess that's ok right now because my ovaries are not needing to produce any testosterone which would raise insulin? I don't know how that works but my perinatal doc said I didn't need to worry about high insulin during pregnancy. So I won't I guess!
I am so super glad the holiday season is almost done. I love Christmas more than any holiday but it's become so commercialized (yes I know everyone says that but it's true!) and it takes some of the joy out of it. And if I heard "Happy Holidays" one more time I was gonna blow lol. All the insane traffic and kids begging for this toy or that while there are kids all over the world that don't get anything, that would be glad to receive a piece of bread or a warm place to sleep. It's very difficult to get that across to kids in today's industrialized and commercialized world of "it's all about me". At least here in the US it is. I try very hard to teach my little boy and my stepkids that they need to understand the season is not about the gifts, it's about the birth of our Lord and Savior and what He did to save us. That we would not be as blessed and comfortable as we are without that event and without His blessings. But I don't know if they quite grasp it yet. Not when the only thing on our 16 year old's mind is a pair of $200 headphones (good grief...) and my 8 year old is watching every commercial and asking for every toy he sees and expecting to get it. I get so discouraged sometimes! But I'll keep on doing my best to teach them about being grateful and sharing our blessings with those that are less fortunate and sharing Christ above all.
So anyway, here we are approaching the dawn of a yet another New Year and I have to say I am so thankful and so blessed and looking forward to our little boy's arrival in April. While the country reels from the tragedy of those poor babies losing their lives and argues about gun control and all that, I think it's time to just let go and let God take first place. He knows what's to come for our country and our world and the best thing we can do is pray and listen for that still small voice to guide us in the coming months and years. God Bless ya'll and I hope everyone has a great week and stays safe on New Year's eve! :-)
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
22 Weeks & Perinatal appt
Can't believe I'm sneaking up on the 6 month mark! I will be 23 weeks tomorrow! Saw the perinatologist on Tuesday and got great reports...baby looks great and I only need baby aspirin for the MTHFR gene mutation thing. Apparently it's worse if you have high homocystiene levels with it (whatever that is) and I don't so yay!! One thing they did notice is he's measuring a whole 2 WEEKS ahead!! He weighs 1 lb. and 8 oz. which is where he should be at 25 weeks. Their only concern is gestational diabetes since larger babies coincide with that condition. I will be tested for that on Monday the 17th. Praying that comes out fine...Christmas is the worst time of year to have to stop eating sugar!! Especially for me!! UGH but I will definitely do what the doctor says because my babies life depends on it! I can wait a few months for some sugar cookies...
Wondering when's the best time to start registering for stuff. My shower will be in Feb so I guess I can do it in Jan. So looking forward to getting new stuff! Of course I know like 3 people who recently had boys in the last year so I'm getting tons of hand me downs!! I don't think we will have to buy much at all which is a huge relief. I know you usually don't get a shower for your second baby but around here we tend to ignore that rule lol. Plus it's been 8 years since my first so it's like starting all over again!
I am getting huge now, starting to really feel like a waddling mama. Approaching the time when my back stuff will be at its worst. Really praying that I don't have as much trouble as I'm expecting. I have done much better than anticipated up to this point so maybe that's a good sign. My chiropractor is a life saver and as long as I see her each week I do pretty good.
Movement...so much going on in there! On my ultrasound Tues, the tech said he is head down. Which is the opposite of what I thought because all the "kicking" seems to go on close to the bottom of my stomach which is where his head is. Guess he's got more strength in those tiny hands than I thought! I don't feel much up top, just the occasional thump. But he's definitely busy and I'm loving it! Just waiting for when my husband can finally feel him on the outside. I can every now and then if I'm resting my hand on my belly but it seems impossible to get him to kick for daddy.
Guess that's all, getting ready for a busy Christmas but looking forward to every minute. This is by far my favorite time of year! Wishing everybody a safe and happy Christmas and New Year! And of course, remember the reason for the season :-) God Bless!
Wondering when's the best time to start registering for stuff. My shower will be in Feb so I guess I can do it in Jan. So looking forward to getting new stuff! Of course I know like 3 people who recently had boys in the last year so I'm getting tons of hand me downs!! I don't think we will have to buy much at all which is a huge relief. I know you usually don't get a shower for your second baby but around here we tend to ignore that rule lol. Plus it's been 8 years since my first so it's like starting all over again!
I am getting huge now, starting to really feel like a waddling mama. Approaching the time when my back stuff will be at its worst. Really praying that I don't have as much trouble as I'm expecting. I have done much better than anticipated up to this point so maybe that's a good sign. My chiropractor is a life saver and as long as I see her each week I do pretty good.
Movement...so much going on in there! On my ultrasound Tues, the tech said he is head down. Which is the opposite of what I thought because all the "kicking" seems to go on close to the bottom of my stomach which is where his head is. Guess he's got more strength in those tiny hands than I thought! I don't feel much up top, just the occasional thump. But he's definitely busy and I'm loving it! Just waiting for when my husband can finally feel him on the outside. I can every now and then if I'm resting my hand on my belly but it seems impossible to get him to kick for daddy.
Guess that's all, getting ready for a busy Christmas but looking forward to every minute. This is by far my favorite time of year! Wishing everybody a safe and happy Christmas and New Year! And of course, remember the reason for the season :-) God Bless!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
21 Weeks.. Sorry for being lazy!
I've been so lazy for the past couple of weeks so the blog has been on the back burner lol. Today I am 21 weeks and 5 days YAY!! I go for my next perinatal appt on Wed the 11th. Can't wait to see my little man again! Had a freak out episode today because I couldn't feel him move all morning. Usually he's very active and if I push him around he starts squirming but nothing was working. I was sure I was gonna have to go home and fire up the doppler. But after I ate some chocolate, he started moving again and I am so relieved! I can only think that maybe he was facing my back so I wasn't feeling the kicks so much but who knows. Just hope I don't have to go through that again!
My little boy (big brother) is having trouble in school, acting up and not wanting to do his work. His teacher is convinced it's because he feels like he's no longer going to be the baby. But I have seen no change in his behavior at home so I'm not convinced that's the issue. So guess it'll be a trip to the school and conference with the teacher and principal. Such fun! And of course I did ask him what he was having trouble with and if he was worried about the baby coming. His response was "I'm worried mamma that he's going to die". :-( Like how in the world did he take on my fears? I am much less fearful of that now but I'm not sure how he came up with that. I don't recall ever saying to anyone that I was afraid the baby would die. If I've ever used any word it was 'miscarry' or 'lose' but not within earshot of him so I don't know if that's something he's really worried about on his own or what. It wouldn't surprise me since he's my child, get's it honest. But I assured him the baby was absolutely fine and he was going to love being a big brother. He then launched into a detailed explanation of how to change diapers to assure me that he knows how and will be able to do that. LOL He's such a mess and I'm so lucky to have such a caring kid. He's been easy from day 1, I wonder if this little guy is gonna be a handful!
Oh, almost forgot. I finally got my results back on the blood clotting disorder (APS) that they were testing me on and it came back negative for positive anticardiolipid levels..YAY! But I do have another form of clotting disorder called MTHFR. (yeah, I know you're thinking what I'm thinking, that looks like the abbreviation for....) It's a gene mutation that causes the body to not process folic acid as well as it should which in turn can cause clots. Not sure how all that works but of course I had to consult the good ole' internet wizard. There are apparently two types: Homozygous and Heterozygous and the bad one is Homozygous and requires levenox. Hoping that mine is the better one since he said all I need is baby aspirin which I've been on all along anyway. I will ask more details at my appt of course just cause I have to know exactly what type it is and all that but hopefully all will be well.
Guess that's all for today. Hopefully I can keep up blogging through the holidays if I don't get too bogged down with work and stuff!
My little boy (big brother) is having trouble in school, acting up and not wanting to do his work. His teacher is convinced it's because he feels like he's no longer going to be the baby. But I have seen no change in his behavior at home so I'm not convinced that's the issue. So guess it'll be a trip to the school and conference with the teacher and principal. Such fun! And of course I did ask him what he was having trouble with and if he was worried about the baby coming. His response was "I'm worried mamma that he's going to die". :-( Like how in the world did he take on my fears? I am much less fearful of that now but I'm not sure how he came up with that. I don't recall ever saying to anyone that I was afraid the baby would die. If I've ever used any word it was 'miscarry' or 'lose' but not within earshot of him so I don't know if that's something he's really worried about on his own or what. It wouldn't surprise me since he's my child, get's it honest. But I assured him the baby was absolutely fine and he was going to love being a big brother. He then launched into a detailed explanation of how to change diapers to assure me that he knows how and will be able to do that. LOL He's such a mess and I'm so lucky to have such a caring kid. He's been easy from day 1, I wonder if this little guy is gonna be a handful!
Oh, almost forgot. I finally got my results back on the blood clotting disorder (APS) that they were testing me on and it came back negative for positive anticardiolipid levels..YAY! But I do have another form of clotting disorder called MTHFR. (yeah, I know you're thinking what I'm thinking, that looks like the abbreviation for....) It's a gene mutation that causes the body to not process folic acid as well as it should which in turn can cause clots. Not sure how all that works but of course I had to consult the good ole' internet wizard. There are apparently two types: Homozygous and Heterozygous and the bad one is Homozygous and requires levenox. Hoping that mine is the better one since he said all I need is baby aspirin which I've been on all along anyway. I will ask more details at my appt of course just cause I have to know exactly what type it is and all that but hopefully all will be well.
Guess that's all for today. Hopefully I can keep up blogging through the holidays if I don't get too bogged down with work and stuff!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
18 wks...Still A Boy..Trying Not to Waddle
Well we are still having a boy. Not that I thought that would change! lol But having had our anatomy scan at 16 weeks everyone kept telling us "maybe it's a girl and it just wasn't finished developing" (I guess because they knew we were rooting for girl at first?). It's pretty funny really because we got our 18 week ultrasound at my normal OB yesterday (which wasn't supposed to happen but I have an amazing nurse who let me anyway!) and the first thing she said was "You know what it is right?" and of course we said "boy" and she said "OK no worries he's still a boy"...so wierd! Of course he is! So we reassured all our family and friends that of course, he is still in fact all boy. Wouldn't that have been so insane if he hadn't been!? Then I would have really started worrying that something was wrong! lol
On other fronts, my morning sickness that was almost non-existant for 2 weeks has reappeared mysteriously. I actually got physically sick a couple of days ago which is the first actual vomiting I've had all pregnancy. I drank orange juice and apparently that was a big no no. I now have 3 burst blood vessels in the whites of my eyes which looks horrible. I have to keep assuring everyone I did not stab my eyeballs with anything, just threw up til I thought they were going to explode lol. Yeah, no more orange juice. My back is doing surprisingly well and my chiropractor is amazed that I'm not in more pain so that's awesome! However, I have developed "Pubic Symphisis Dysfunction". That's a fancy term for my hoo-ha bones are spreading already. Not sure why because usually that occurs right before delivery but apparently if you have pelvic girdle issues already then it is expected. It's not fun. I am not nearly big enough to need to waddle but I am. I'm trying very hard to walk straight but with the pain the PSD causes, I sometimes can't help it. Lol. It's not bad sitting, just standing. Guess I've got a long 3rd trimester coming up. But I don't mind, I am thankful for all of these aches and pains because the end result is worth it and more!
Well I guess that's all for now. Maybe one of these days I will post a belly pic. I'm one of those "please don't take my picture"people. But for the sake of remembering this pregnancy, I suppose I will at some point. Hope all my girls in blogger land are doing great. I think I will go check on them all and do some catching up on blog reading.
Friday, November 2, 2012
So much grey??
Just a random thought but is it just me or are almost all of the baby boy clothes out right now grey?? I went to Carter's yesterday (I happen to work in an awesome place called the Boardwalk with tons of outlet stores!) and thought YAY! I'll buy some precious little boy clothes and try very hard not to wander over to the girl stuff lol. Well I picked up 2 or three outfits that I thought were super cute then realized every one of them were grey! Then looked around and almost every rack of clothing was mostly grey stuff! What the heck??! I mean there were a couple of blue, green and brown here and there but mostly grey. Then I glance over to the girl's side of the store and it looks like a rainbow threw up over there. What's the deal? I know grey is kinda trendy right now especially paired with lime green or baby blue but come on people?! Why is it that there are never as many cute boy clothes as there are girls? I thought the very same thing 8 years ago when shopping for my first son and nothing has changed. SMH....
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
16 weeks and the Verdict IS!!....
BOY! Had our anatomy scan at the perinatologists office yesterday and we are having another boy! His big brother is over the moon since he's been rooting for boy since the day he found out we were expecting. Wow is all I can think. Another boy? Can I handle that much testosterone in my house? lol We were really hoping for a girl of course since that has been my dream since I was young to have a little girl one day but we are still thrilled. I'm having to switch gears since I've been convinced we were having a girl this time and have been planning which I guess is where I messed up lol. We may make plans but God directs our steps and I know He has a reason for blessing us with another boy. While I still hope for a girl one day (yeah, my crazy self has decided this might not be our last youngin!) but I am so thankful for this little boy and will love him will all I've got! He will definitely be in good company since he will have 2 big brothers which makes us a total of 3 boys and 2 girls in the family (counting my stepbabies that don't live with us). So I'm preparing myself! I at least know what to do with a boy, I have plenty of practice lol. And plenty of hand-me-downs from my sister and best friend who both have little boys. I'm still in shock though lol but so blessed and happy since we didn't know if we'd even be able to conceive, this baby is going to be loved and spoiled something crazy!
Other than that news, everything else is going smoothly so far. My nausea is steadily decreasing which is awesome but I still have food aversions and sometimes eat something thinking it will be awesome only to regret it after the first bite. That is not fun and I miss Mexican food (that is my Number 1 No No food right now, can't even look at it!).
All my tests came back good, no down syndrome or trisomy 18. Second test for downs was done yesterday so I won't get that result until next week but the first one was good so we expect this one to be fine. They ran my repeat test of the anticardiolipid panel yesterday too. Since I've tested in the indeterminate to positive range for it twice they needed to test once again to make sure and I'm praying that comes back fine.
So without further ado, here is our little man! (He didn't want to look at us, was napping face down in his placenta lol)
Other than that news, everything else is going smoothly so far. My nausea is steadily decreasing which is awesome but I still have food aversions and sometimes eat something thinking it will be awesome only to regret it after the first bite. That is not fun and I miss Mexican food (that is my Number 1 No No food right now, can't even look at it!).
All my tests came back good, no down syndrome or trisomy 18. Second test for downs was done yesterday so I won't get that result until next week but the first one was good so we expect this one to be fine. They ran my repeat test of the anticardiolipid panel yesterday too. Since I've tested in the indeterminate to positive range for it twice they needed to test once again to make sure and I'm praying that comes back fine.
So without further ado, here is our little man! (He didn't want to look at us, was napping face down in his placenta lol)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
15 1/2 weeks
Yes, I've been a terrible blogger for a couple of weeks. I have felt zero desire to share anything for some reason but I guess there hasn't been alot going on. I'm super tired once again and wondering why the 2nd tri is not as amazing as everyone says it should be? But I'm weird and nothing that is normal for others is ever normal for me it seems..oh well lol. Like my crazy autoimmune stuff...gearing up for another awful flare. Yep, my rheumatologist told me she's never seen a pregnant woman NOT go into remission during pregnancy. She was certain my giant swollen toes and feet would go away. Well, they went away for about 3 weeks total and one of those weeks I was on prednisone for poison oak so that was probably why it was not active at that time. Now, it's creeping up again. Not only is this extremely painful and annoying (I can only wear flip flops for crying out loud! It's about to winter and I'll still be floppin! ugh!!!), I'm in complete fear that my immune system will start attacking the baby. It may be completely nonsense to feel this way but I can't help it. When I know my immune system is attacking place it should not, why would it not try to attack the foreign body growing in my womb? God I pray it won't! I go back to the perinatologist for our anatomy scan on Tuesday the 30th so we will find out pink or blue (YAY!!!) so I will bring it up with him then. Hopefully he can put my fears to rest. He's assured me they will follow me closely because autoimmune disorders can sometimes cause the growth to slow down towards the end of the pregnancy so they have to watch that (but what could they do about it? I dunno?). I know I'm in good hands but my insane emotions still get me sometimes.
Symptoms are the same really, slightly less nausea but tons of heartburn. Tired. Back has started giving me trouble and I knew it would at some point but I was hoping not this early. I went to the chiro two days ago and she fixed my SI joints and sacrum but yesterday I started hurting again and either my joints are so loosey goosey now that they will slip right back out of place again or it's just time for the pain to start. It sucks, there's no other word for it. Sleep is difficult but I am so thankful my dear mom & dad bought me an amazing bed early in the year that adjusts so I can sit up to sleep. If I didn't have that I'd be in the recliner every night struggling to get comfortable. But we'll take it a day at a time and hopefully I won't need laproscopic surgery in the 3rd tri. That would be terrifying!
On other fronts, work is the same. My coworkers all know now and that is a huge relief because hiding it was getting difficult. I am as big at this point as I was at 6 months with my son. It's crazy. And my uterus is still very low and I can barely find it so I guess it's all innards being shifted around but I definitely cannot wear any of my regular pants anymore and finding maternity pants for my insanely long legs is so difficult so not sure what I'll do when it gets cold! I'll be a sight: capris and flip flops in cold weather. Yep, that should be fun. But, I'm so very thankful I'm here and if that's what I gotta do then so be it!
Guess that's all for now, hopefully I will be able to post again next week. Well of course I have to share the gender so look forward to that! I'm so excited! ...think pink..think pink.. lol ;-P but we will be happy either way :-)
Symptoms are the same really, slightly less nausea but tons of heartburn. Tired. Back has started giving me trouble and I knew it would at some point but I was hoping not this early. I went to the chiro two days ago and she fixed my SI joints and sacrum but yesterday I started hurting again and either my joints are so loosey goosey now that they will slip right back out of place again or it's just time for the pain to start. It sucks, there's no other word for it. Sleep is difficult but I am so thankful my dear mom & dad bought me an amazing bed early in the year that adjusts so I can sit up to sleep. If I didn't have that I'd be in the recliner every night struggling to get comfortable. But we'll take it a day at a time and hopefully I won't need laproscopic surgery in the 3rd tri. That would be terrifying!
On other fronts, work is the same. My coworkers all know now and that is a huge relief because hiding it was getting difficult. I am as big at this point as I was at 6 months with my son. It's crazy. And my uterus is still very low and I can barely find it so I guess it's all innards being shifted around but I definitely cannot wear any of my regular pants anymore and finding maternity pants for my insanely long legs is so difficult so not sure what I'll do when it gets cold! I'll be a sight: capris and flip flops in cold weather. Yep, that should be fun. But, I'm so very thankful I'm here and if that's what I gotta do then so be it!
Guess that's all for now, hopefully I will be able to post again next week. Well of course I have to share the gender so look forward to that! I'm so excited! ...think pink..think pink.. lol ;-P but we will be happy either way :-)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Blogger Block & 13 weeks
Ever just feel like not blogging? That's been me for like a week. I just don't feel like it lol. But nonetheless I will be irritated with myself next week if I don't. I turned 13 weeks Saturday by my calcs, today by the doc's. Still battling nausea that I thought was going away. No such luck. I am miserable to say the least. And Mexican food is my sworn enemy. I've tried eating it twice in the last couple of weeks and both times I became so sick that all I could do was lay in bed and groan. So I will not be attempting that again!
We had our NT scan last week and my mom went with me because hubs was working. Everything looked great! I was sooo relieved! Bladder is normal, NT measurement normal, all is well so far! They will be retesting for the Anticardio Phospholipid Syndrome the first week of November when I go for the anatomy scan. 3-4 weeks feels like forever away! But we will get to find out pink or blue 2 weeks early so I'm super excited! The doc said they will continue to see me for the rest of the pregnancy regardless of the APS outcome just because I have an autoimmune disorder since it can sometimes cause issues with growth and some other stuff so they want to monitor closely in the 3rd trimester. Fine by me! More peeks at our little one!
So I'm breathing easier about everything and feel like God's got us covered on all bases. :-) I am not really showing much more than I was a week ago, sorta feel like my uterus is sitting way back this time. At this point with my son I could very easily feel it below my belly button but when I push around now I think I can feel the top of it but then again I can't tell cuz I got extra fluff. Oh well, guess she/he will make their presence known before too long. You could say I'm "showing" but only cuz I can't suck in anymore. Stupid fat. Hope I can get rid of it after!
Oh and I almost forgot! My poison oak hell is ending! Turns out I did not have cellulitis after all and the prednisone my derm gave me worked wonders. It also helped my arthritis which was an added bonus! I didn't take it like she asked me to (7 days on 40mg and 7 on 20mg) because that is just way too much steroid (a dose pack starts out at 30mg and reduces by 5mg a day for only 6 days!) so I took 40mg for 2 days and 20mg for 2 days and 10mg for 1 day. That seemed to be just enough and I am rejoicing! I still itch some but I think it's just the residual dryness causing that because the rash is pretty much completely gone. Yesss!!!
Guess that's all for now. I apparently had more to write about than I thought!
We had our NT scan last week and my mom went with me because hubs was working. Everything looked great! I was sooo relieved! Bladder is normal, NT measurement normal, all is well so far! They will be retesting for the Anticardio Phospholipid Syndrome the first week of November when I go for the anatomy scan. 3-4 weeks feels like forever away! But we will get to find out pink or blue 2 weeks early so I'm super excited! The doc said they will continue to see me for the rest of the pregnancy regardless of the APS outcome just because I have an autoimmune disorder since it can sometimes cause issues with growth and some other stuff so they want to monitor closely in the 3rd trimester. Fine by me! More peeks at our little one!
So I'm breathing easier about everything and feel like God's got us covered on all bases. :-) I am not really showing much more than I was a week ago, sorta feel like my uterus is sitting way back this time. At this point with my son I could very easily feel it below my belly button but when I push around now I think I can feel the top of it but then again I can't tell cuz I got extra fluff. Oh well, guess she/he will make their presence known before too long. You could say I'm "showing" but only cuz I can't suck in anymore. Stupid fat. Hope I can get rid of it after!
Oh and I almost forgot! My poison oak hell is ending! Turns out I did not have cellulitis after all and the prednisone my derm gave me worked wonders. It also helped my arthritis which was an added bonus! I didn't take it like she asked me to (7 days on 40mg and 7 on 20mg) because that is just way too much steroid (a dose pack starts out at 30mg and reduces by 5mg a day for only 6 days!) so I took 40mg for 2 days and 20mg for 2 days and 10mg for 1 day. That seemed to be just enough and I am rejoicing! I still itch some but I think it's just the residual dryness causing that because the rash is pretty much completely gone. Yesss!!!
Guess that's all for now. I apparently had more to write about than I thought!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
12 weeks and Posion oak is E.V.I.L.
So here we are at 12 weeks, broaching the second trimester mark! How did that happen!? I'm so so very thankful to be here and feel a bit "unworthy" of feeling surprised I would make it here. I read so many blogs of precious ladies who are now pregnant after one or more miscarriages. And here I am, big 2nd pregnancy and have never had a miscarriage. I just have had alot of medical issues that made me fear that I would miscarry. And I still fear it. But I am so very excited for those that are doing so well that have faced loss, they so deserve it!
At 12 weeks I am just now starting to feel like a baby "bump" is about to happen. I have been "showing" for a couple of weeks now, mostly cuz I can't suck my gut in anymore so I really look 6 months pregnant. UGH. I started wearing maternity clothes a week ago after the ponytail holder trick started to become to uncomfortable. I have one of those belly bands and have a couple of pairs of pants that I use it with but I'm getting to where sitting in normal pants is just not cool for my very low belly area, too constricted. I already feel like a cow. Of course before getting pregnant I had all these magnificent plans of being 60 pounds thinner so that I would only have half of that to lose after baby but of course those plans never came to fruition. I actually weighed more than I have in a long time when I got preggo and that is just worrying the mess outta me, I'm gonna have a helluva time getting the weight off after baby. I am not a good dieter, will power is not a word I'm very familiar with, wish I knew where to find some of that.
Symptoms: nausea still rearing its ugly head every now and then, not constant though. Heartburn really bad some days, none others. Fatigue getting better but still not gone. I'd love to be able to clean more than one room of my house without feeling like I've run a marathon. Oh, and I ITCH like crazy! I posted about the oh so evil poison oak rash, it's still torturing me. Two weeks now. The oozing and ickiness have dried up but now I've got this large swollen inflamed area that I thought was turning into cellulitis but my derm has assured me it's just part of the awful immune response continuing. Man...is there any end in sight? I went to my ob yesterday to find out what he wanted me to do and he sent me to the derm who has decided to put me on low dose prednisone to try to knock it out. I'm not happy about having to take anything. My doc ok'd it and agreed I could take it or a shot. I opted for the pills cuz at least I have the option to stop them if my anxiety about harming the baby gets to be too much. What's crazy is a week ago, my ob refused to let me use a steroid cream to help with the itching, now this week he's ok with a shot or pills? Is there really that much difference in 5 days? I dunno, but I can't go on like this in misery. I get no sleep, I have to leave an ice pack on it all night long just to be able to sleep in small spurts, it's so hard not to just claw myself to pieces! On top of that, I now seem to be allergic to all laundry detergent and body wash. So more itching! UGHHH!! really? I know pregnancy is usually miserable but I'm supposed to be feeling pretty good at this point as I go into the 2nd trimester and that's just not happening. Oh well, I'm still happy I'm here.
Oh, and some GOOD news! When I went to the doc yesterday, he could not find the heartbeat with his dopplar so he sent me through ultrasound again just to make sure. Of course it was thumping away at 170 bpm. So I've gotten 2 ultrasounds in the last 2 weeks. LOVE!! And I posted last week about the bladder being enlarged which scared the mess out of me. Well I think this unexpected ultrasound was God's way of letting me know it's ok! The bladder now looks normal! Praise GOD!! So all the fear and anxiety and stress of the last week thinking something horrible was happening to our little one has just rolled off our shoulders. Apparently she/he just had to pee. lol. Man what a relief! But I will still go for the perinatal appt. tomorrow just to be sure all is well and we will see him again next week for the NT scan. Not sure why they can't do the NT this week but they are adamant that I need to be 13 weeks for that. Fine by me, just one more chance to see our precious baby!
So that's all the news for now. Hoping all goes well tomorrow and next week. Moving forward and so very thankful!!
At 12 weeks I am just now starting to feel like a baby "bump" is about to happen. I have been "showing" for a couple of weeks now, mostly cuz I can't suck my gut in anymore so I really look 6 months pregnant. UGH. I started wearing maternity clothes a week ago after the ponytail holder trick started to become to uncomfortable. I have one of those belly bands and have a couple of pairs of pants that I use it with but I'm getting to where sitting in normal pants is just not cool for my very low belly area, too constricted. I already feel like a cow. Of course before getting pregnant I had all these magnificent plans of being 60 pounds thinner so that I would only have half of that to lose after baby but of course those plans never came to fruition. I actually weighed more than I have in a long time when I got preggo and that is just worrying the mess outta me, I'm gonna have a helluva time getting the weight off after baby. I am not a good dieter, will power is not a word I'm very familiar with, wish I knew where to find some of that.
Symptoms: nausea still rearing its ugly head every now and then, not constant though. Heartburn really bad some days, none others. Fatigue getting better but still not gone. I'd love to be able to clean more than one room of my house without feeling like I've run a marathon. Oh, and I ITCH like crazy! I posted about the oh so evil poison oak rash, it's still torturing me. Two weeks now. The oozing and ickiness have dried up but now I've got this large swollen inflamed area that I thought was turning into cellulitis but my derm has assured me it's just part of the awful immune response continuing. Man...is there any end in sight? I went to my ob yesterday to find out what he wanted me to do and he sent me to the derm who has decided to put me on low dose prednisone to try to knock it out. I'm not happy about having to take anything. My doc ok'd it and agreed I could take it or a shot. I opted for the pills cuz at least I have the option to stop them if my anxiety about harming the baby gets to be too much. What's crazy is a week ago, my ob refused to let me use a steroid cream to help with the itching, now this week he's ok with a shot or pills? Is there really that much difference in 5 days? I dunno, but I can't go on like this in misery. I get no sleep, I have to leave an ice pack on it all night long just to be able to sleep in small spurts, it's so hard not to just claw myself to pieces! On top of that, I now seem to be allergic to all laundry detergent and body wash. So more itching! UGHHH!! really? I know pregnancy is usually miserable but I'm supposed to be feeling pretty good at this point as I go into the 2nd trimester and that's just not happening. Oh well, I'm still happy I'm here.
Oh, and some GOOD news! When I went to the doc yesterday, he could not find the heartbeat with his dopplar so he sent me through ultrasound again just to make sure. Of course it was thumping away at 170 bpm. So I've gotten 2 ultrasounds in the last 2 weeks. LOVE!! And I posted last week about the bladder being enlarged which scared the mess out of me. Well I think this unexpected ultrasound was God's way of letting me know it's ok! The bladder now looks normal! Praise GOD!! So all the fear and anxiety and stress of the last week thinking something horrible was happening to our little one has just rolled off our shoulders. Apparently she/he just had to pee. lol. Man what a relief! But I will still go for the perinatal appt. tomorrow just to be sure all is well and we will see him again next week for the NT scan. Not sure why they can't do the NT this week but they are adamant that I need to be 13 weeks for that. Fine by me, just one more chance to see our precious baby!
So that's all the news for now. Hoping all goes well tomorrow and next week. Moving forward and so very thankful!!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Update on itching and ob visit
So I finally figured out that this crazy rash is not at all one of the pregnancy rashes I thought it was. I feel kinda dumb now! lol Like the derm said, it IS in fact something I'm allergic to: Poison oak. Fun!! I remembered that I had weeded my flower bed last week for the first time in months and there were some new plants in there that I did plant of course and I didn't know what they were. I just assumed it was from the nuts that fall from my tree taking root and growing. Ha! Nope. Lovely old poison oak. What clued me in is after having the rash for a while some places started to take the shape of straight lines which I thought was pretty odd. So I looked it up and found that this is very typical for poison ivy or oak rashes. Then they started blistering and weeping. Yep, had to be one or the other. After closely examining a couple of stray plants that I missed in my flower bed, sure enough it's poison oak. But I've never had a poison oak or ivy rash in my life. Turns out some people are only allergic to specific things when they are preggo! My mom said she had the same happen to her while pregnant and she's never been allergic to those plants at any other time in her life. Weird! And so my luck! This stuff is miserable and just seems to get more painful, oozy and blistery every day. Wondering how long this stuff lasts!?? I ditched the hydrocortisone because it wasn't really helping and got some Ivarest. It's a combo of benedryl, calamine, and alcohol. It works fairly well but I'm trying not to use it too much. So I just gotta wait it out. It sucks!!
On other fronts, I had my 11 week ob visit on Wednesday the 26th. I got another ultrasound (yay!) which I wasn't expecting. They said it would be easier to hear the heart tones through u/s than with the doppler. Fine with me! I got my favorite u/s tech who is so funny and so nice and spent quite a while letting us watch our little one jump around. He/she is a mover and shaker already! She couldn't hardly get the baby to be still long enough to get a good picture for us. But we did get a few and they are precious! The heartrate was a whopping 182 bpm so we're thinking girl!! I know it's an old wives tale but it's still fun to guess. The only not so good news that we got is that the bladder was slightly enlarged. My doc didn't sound super concerned (but then again he never does) but he sent over the info to the perinatologist for them to check that out when I go to check on the blood clotting stuff. So of course, I consulted "Dr. Google" and am now officially terrified. Of course I know that what's on the internet is usually all the bad cases where things went terribly wrong and the good stories where this resolved itself just don't get talked about. What I found was that when the bladder is enlarged there is usually an obstruction somewhere that is preventing the passing of urine. Sometimes there is a chromosomal abnormality to blame and the baby has even more problems than just the bladder. Sometimes it resolves itself within a couple of weeks and sometimes it does not. If it does not, later on during the pregnancy (if the baby does not die) a shunt has to be placed in the baby's bladder to allow urine to be expelled. Then once the baby is born, surgery is performed to clear the obstruction or deal with whatever it is that is wrong. The problem with the shunt procedure is that sometimes it's too hard to place and the surgery is unsuccessful. If the bladder expands too fast, fluid around the baby diminishes which causes death or if the bladder gets too large it will fill up the abdominal and chest cavity crushing the heart. I know, HORRIFYING scenarios to even think about! But in the successful shunt placement, the baby is able to be delivered (often prematurely) and the problem dealt with after birth. ....I am so not prepared for all this. My husband spent all day trying to reassure me that everything will be fine and that we shouldn't borrow trouble if we don't know yet that anything is wrong. Why oh why do I always have to look up EVERYTHING? I'm a glutton for punishment apparently. So I'm praying, my whole family is praying, we are all just holding on and hoping that this is nothing. All we can do is wait. My perinatologist's office said I could come in a week early so that is what I will do. My appt is on Wed, Oct. 3. I know God is bigger than any problem we might face and is able to get us through it. But I can't help being scared.
On other fronts, I had my 11 week ob visit on Wednesday the 26th. I got another ultrasound (yay!) which I wasn't expecting. They said it would be easier to hear the heart tones through u/s than with the doppler. Fine with me! I got my favorite u/s tech who is so funny and so nice and spent quite a while letting us watch our little one jump around. He/she is a mover and shaker already! She couldn't hardly get the baby to be still long enough to get a good picture for us. But we did get a few and they are precious! The heartrate was a whopping 182 bpm so we're thinking girl!! I know it's an old wives tale but it's still fun to guess. The only not so good news that we got is that the bladder was slightly enlarged. My doc didn't sound super concerned (but then again he never does) but he sent over the info to the perinatologist for them to check that out when I go to check on the blood clotting stuff. So of course, I consulted "Dr. Google" and am now officially terrified. Of course I know that what's on the internet is usually all the bad cases where things went terribly wrong and the good stories where this resolved itself just don't get talked about. What I found was that when the bladder is enlarged there is usually an obstruction somewhere that is preventing the passing of urine. Sometimes there is a chromosomal abnormality to blame and the baby has even more problems than just the bladder. Sometimes it resolves itself within a couple of weeks and sometimes it does not. If it does not, later on during the pregnancy (if the baby does not die) a shunt has to be placed in the baby's bladder to allow urine to be expelled. Then once the baby is born, surgery is performed to clear the obstruction or deal with whatever it is that is wrong. The problem with the shunt procedure is that sometimes it's too hard to place and the surgery is unsuccessful. If the bladder expands too fast, fluid around the baby diminishes which causes death or if the bladder gets too large it will fill up the abdominal and chest cavity crushing the heart. I know, HORRIFYING scenarios to even think about! But in the successful shunt placement, the baby is able to be delivered (often prematurely) and the problem dealt with after birth. ....I am so not prepared for all this. My husband spent all day trying to reassure me that everything will be fine and that we shouldn't borrow trouble if we don't know yet that anything is wrong. Why oh why do I always have to look up EVERYTHING? I'm a glutton for punishment apparently. So I'm praying, my whole family is praying, we are all just holding on and hoping that this is nothing. All we can do is wait. My perinatologist's office said I could come in a week early so that is what I will do. My appt is on Wed, Oct. 3. I know God is bigger than any problem we might face and is able to get us through it. But I can't help being scared.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
11 weeks..So Much Itching!!!!
We've all heard about those dreaded "pregnancy rashes" and not everyone gets them but I'm apparently the weirdo that gets them early. Not just one, but TWO! Ughhhh! With my son I got the PUPPP at 6 mo but only on my thighs (but man that was horrific enough!) and now no one knows what I have this time around. Rashes tend to show up in the third trimester. Not me though, I have to be different. My body hates me and enjoys making me miserable at every opportunity. SMH
I have this giant welt (guess that's the term) on my upper stomach that started out as just an annoying itch that turned into a hideous monster of a rash that torments me day and night. It's so ugly and so tender! I can't even bear to scratch it's so painful. So hydrocortisone has been my only friend for a few days now and I have to cover it with one of those ginormous bandaids to keep my clothes from irritating it. No. Fun. At. All.
And what's even better is they have no clue what it is! Of course I'm going to list all the possibilities here in a sec cuz I know everyone wants to know about skin rashes right? Guess it's sorta important because there are a couple that are actually a danger to the baby :-(.
The other rash is very random and looks like little tiny ant bites that show up in clusters everywhere. Very unpredictable and weird. I have some between my fingers on my right hand, on both eyelids (yeah, that's fun), on both thighs, left arm, and back of neck. And they seem to multiply by the day. Totally weird. My obgyn's office sent me straight to the dermatologist yesterday and she is convinced I got into something I'm allergic to. Nope, I'm not buying that. Not that I think she doesn't know what she's doing but the confused look on her face spoke volumes. She's apparently never seen it before in a pregnancy. Especially the one on my stomach, she didn't even wanna mess with that one. And for someone that deals with allergies year round, I know when I've gotten into something I'm allergic to. I know how I react to just about everything. When my dog touches me after being outside, I break out in hives (grass is my enemy!) but they quickly go away after I've bathed or wiped down my arms. They don't stick around and spread to random places. I've not been anywhere near any poison ivy and I've had that stuff before, this is not it. I have not even touched my dogs or allowed them in the house except to go into their kennels for 2 weeks so I know they didn't bring something in. It's gotta be something else. So I asked if she could biopsy the little rashes just to see what it comes back as because I'm not going to just go with her hunch and assume it's an allergy when there are so many of these weird pregnancy rashes out there and chances that it could be a bad one. She agreed that was fine and scraped one off of my forearm and will call me with the results. She prescribed a steroid cream to stop the itching and said we would start there and if they didn't get better move on to another treatment. Not sure why antihistamines were not an option considering she thinks it's an allergy. I think I will bring that up when I talk to them again or to my OB. I see him tomorrow (YAY!) for my 11 week checkup.
*********************************************************************************
So here, for your reading pleasure, are the different types of pregnancy rashes:
(source: http://www.justmommies.com/pregnancy/concerns-and-complications/rashes-during-pregnancy)
PUPPP
PUPPP stands for Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy. This is an extremely itchy rash that first develops on the abdomen and spreads from there. It becomes a red, raised rash that can cover the abdomen, buttocks and thighs and can spread to the arms and legs. It normally doesn't appear on the patient's face. PUPPP doesn't pose any risk to the baby. Antihistamines and corticosteroid creams are the most common treatments. PUPPP is the most common pregnancy rash.
(This is what I assumed I have but the derm said mine doesn't look like it? It didn't start in my stretch marks though I do have some from my first pregnancy and that's usually where PUPPP shows up)
Prurigo of Pregnancy
Prurigo of pregnancy doesn't pose any risk to the baby, but it can continue for several weeks or even months after delivery. It shows up as itchy pink or red bumps on the arms and legs and sometimes other body parts. Corticosteroid creams and antihistamines help control the itching.
Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy *SCARY ONE!*
This presents itself as a severe rash during the third trimester. It's caused by elevated levels of bile fluids in the mother's system, when the liver slows down due to pregnancy hormones. It carries a risk of premature birth and even death of the baby if it's not caught early enough. Medicines that reduce the amount of bile in the mother's system will be prescribed, along with anti-itch creams for the rash itself. This is a serious condition for the baby and can affect his liver. Other treatment options and medications may focus on preserving the baby's health. Intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy goes away after delivery.
Pemphigoid Gestationis
Pemphigoid gestationis is much more uncommon than the previous rashes, affecting only one out of every 50,000 pregnancies in the U.S. It's an autoimmune condition that shows up as round patches on the abdomen initially. It usually spreads from there, but typically doesn't affect the mother's face, scalp or neck. Severe cases of this rash require oral corticosteroids to help manage the symptoms. It carries a risk of premature delivery and low birth weight for the baby, and sometimes the baby will have lesions from the condition when he is born.
Impetigo Herpetiformis
This is a rare condition that shows up in the second half of pregnancy. The lesions from the rash can break open and release pus, and then the open sores can lead to secondary infections after impetigo. There are increased instances of infant mortality associated with this rash. Aggressive treatment with systemic corticosteroids and antibiotics is required. Impetigo herpetiformis goes away after delivery.
Pruritic Folliculitis of Pregnancy
This one presents as a rash on the abdomen, back, arms and legs. It poses no risk to the baby, and it resolves soon after the baby is born. Corticosteroid creams can help relieve the itching, and doctors have had success in treating it with ultraviolet light therapy as well.
And one more from http://www.buzzle.com/articles/rashes-during-pregnancy.html
Papular Dermatitis of Pregnancy
The imbalance in the hormonal levels causes papular dermatitis of pregnancy. It mostly occurs due to the elevated levels of gonadotropins and lowered levels of cortisol and estrogen. Prurigo of gestation is again a common dermatosis (skin condition) of pregnancy and affects almost one in every 300 pregnant women. The characteristic features are extremely itchy, raised spots, which are red in color and get covered by crust. The spots are never found in groups. There is no definite time for the occurrence of papular dermatitis of pregnancy as it can appear at any stage of the pregnancy development, and continues to do so till the child is born. It does not cause any harm to either the mother or her baby. The treatment is generally done with high doses of corticosteroids.
*********************************************************************************
Fun and games right? So be on the lookout. Most of these rashes are harmless and easily treated but a couple of them need to be caught early and treated to prevent harm to the baby.
So off I go to apply more cream and wait for news from the derm! Hope you are having a great (and itch free) day!
I have this giant welt (guess that's the term) on my upper stomach that started out as just an annoying itch that turned into a hideous monster of a rash that torments me day and night. It's so ugly and so tender! I can't even bear to scratch it's so painful. So hydrocortisone has been my only friend for a few days now and I have to cover it with one of those ginormous bandaids to keep my clothes from irritating it. No. Fun. At. All.
And what's even better is they have no clue what it is! Of course I'm going to list all the possibilities here in a sec cuz I know everyone wants to know about skin rashes right? Guess it's sorta important because there are a couple that are actually a danger to the baby :-(.
The other rash is very random and looks like little tiny ant bites that show up in clusters everywhere. Very unpredictable and weird. I have some between my fingers on my right hand, on both eyelids (yeah, that's fun), on both thighs, left arm, and back of neck. And they seem to multiply by the day. Totally weird. My obgyn's office sent me straight to the dermatologist yesterday and she is convinced I got into something I'm allergic to. Nope, I'm not buying that. Not that I think she doesn't know what she's doing but the confused look on her face spoke volumes. She's apparently never seen it before in a pregnancy. Especially the one on my stomach, she didn't even wanna mess with that one. And for someone that deals with allergies year round, I know when I've gotten into something I'm allergic to. I know how I react to just about everything. When my dog touches me after being outside, I break out in hives (grass is my enemy!) but they quickly go away after I've bathed or wiped down my arms. They don't stick around and spread to random places. I've not been anywhere near any poison ivy and I've had that stuff before, this is not it. I have not even touched my dogs or allowed them in the house except to go into their kennels for 2 weeks so I know they didn't bring something in. It's gotta be something else. So I asked if she could biopsy the little rashes just to see what it comes back as because I'm not going to just go with her hunch and assume it's an allergy when there are so many of these weird pregnancy rashes out there and chances that it could be a bad one. She agreed that was fine and scraped one off of my forearm and will call me with the results. She prescribed a steroid cream to stop the itching and said we would start there and if they didn't get better move on to another treatment. Not sure why antihistamines were not an option considering she thinks it's an allergy. I think I will bring that up when I talk to them again or to my OB. I see him tomorrow (YAY!) for my 11 week checkup.
*********************************************************************************
So here, for your reading pleasure, are the different types of pregnancy rashes:
(source: http://www.justmommies.com/pregnancy/concerns-and-complications/rashes-during-pregnancy)
PUPPP
PUPPP stands for Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy. This is an extremely itchy rash that first develops on the abdomen and spreads from there. It becomes a red, raised rash that can cover the abdomen, buttocks and thighs and can spread to the arms and legs. It normally doesn't appear on the patient's face. PUPPP doesn't pose any risk to the baby. Antihistamines and corticosteroid creams are the most common treatments. PUPPP is the most common pregnancy rash.
(This is what I assumed I have but the derm said mine doesn't look like it? It didn't start in my stretch marks though I do have some from my first pregnancy and that's usually where PUPPP shows up)
Prurigo of Pregnancy
Prurigo of pregnancy doesn't pose any risk to the baby, but it can continue for several weeks or even months after delivery. It shows up as itchy pink or red bumps on the arms and legs and sometimes other body parts. Corticosteroid creams and antihistamines help control the itching.
Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy *SCARY ONE!*
This presents itself as a severe rash during the third trimester. It's caused by elevated levels of bile fluids in the mother's system, when the liver slows down due to pregnancy hormones. It carries a risk of premature birth and even death of the baby if it's not caught early enough. Medicines that reduce the amount of bile in the mother's system will be prescribed, along with anti-itch creams for the rash itself. This is a serious condition for the baby and can affect his liver. Other treatment options and medications may focus on preserving the baby's health. Intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy goes away after delivery.
Pemphigoid Gestationis
Pemphigoid gestationis is much more uncommon than the previous rashes, affecting only one out of every 50,000 pregnancies in the U.S. It's an autoimmune condition that shows up as round patches on the abdomen initially. It usually spreads from there, but typically doesn't affect the mother's face, scalp or neck. Severe cases of this rash require oral corticosteroids to help manage the symptoms. It carries a risk of premature delivery and low birth weight for the baby, and sometimes the baby will have lesions from the condition when he is born.
Impetigo Herpetiformis
This is a rare condition that shows up in the second half of pregnancy. The lesions from the rash can break open and release pus, and then the open sores can lead to secondary infections after impetigo. There are increased instances of infant mortality associated with this rash. Aggressive treatment with systemic corticosteroids and antibiotics is required. Impetigo herpetiformis goes away after delivery.
Pruritic Folliculitis of Pregnancy
This one presents as a rash on the abdomen, back, arms and legs. It poses no risk to the baby, and it resolves soon after the baby is born. Corticosteroid creams can help relieve the itching, and doctors have had success in treating it with ultraviolet light therapy as well.
And one more from http://www.buzzle.com/articles/rashes-during-pregnancy.html
Papular Dermatitis of Pregnancy
The imbalance in the hormonal levels causes papular dermatitis of pregnancy. It mostly occurs due to the elevated levels of gonadotropins and lowered levels of cortisol and estrogen. Prurigo of gestation is again a common dermatosis (skin condition) of pregnancy and affects almost one in every 300 pregnant women. The characteristic features are extremely itchy, raised spots, which are red in color and get covered by crust. The spots are never found in groups. There is no definite time for the occurrence of papular dermatitis of pregnancy as it can appear at any stage of the pregnancy development, and continues to do so till the child is born. It does not cause any harm to either the mother or her baby. The treatment is generally done with high doses of corticosteroids.
*********************************************************************************
Fun and games right? So be on the lookout. Most of these rashes are harmless and easily treated but a couple of them need to be caught early and treated to prevent harm to the baby.
So off I go to apply more cream and wait for news from the derm! Hope you are having a great (and itch free) day!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Food sucks...
What they say about every pregnancy being different is so far very accurate! With my son, I was tossing my cookies all day every day up until 16 weeks when it magically vanished and I could eat! I craved anything sweet I could get my hands on and even though I lost 8 pounds in the first tri, I gained it back and then some for a whopping 35 lb. gain overall. Some of which I still have hanging around unfortunately (ok, maybe that's not a good excuse anymore considering my son is 7!). This time around, I'm just constantly feeling yucky. No food sounds appetizing ever. Especially not sugar. Maybe this one will turn out different and I will crave healthy food, wouldn't that be a miracle! But I know that right now it's all the nausea's fault. Who knows what will be good when it disappears (hoping it does!). I never thought I would appreciate nausea. But every time I think of food and feel the urge to gag, I rejoice a little bit knowing that I'm still pregnant and all seems to be ok despite my insane anxiety! But, it's not easy. Waking up every morning knowing I will have to find something to shove down my gullet is so annoying. And I can never eat the same thing twice, with the exception of chicken pot pie, which has become one of my "safe" foods when I can think of nothing else to eat. But as for everything else, even after one serving of it I cannot possibly bring myself to touch it again. Even if I think I want a second helping, nope, my gut says no way you will regret it! And I'm learning to listen! So my most memorable thing about this first trimester is food sucks! All of it. But I know it's necessary and when I manage to choke down something fairly bland, it seems to help the nausea for a little while. But the inevitable heartburn rears its ugly head after every meal and even in the middle of the night. It's miserable! Yep, I'm whining and I know it. Ever had heartburn so bad your ears hurt? Yeah, painful stuff. So far I've tried Tums and Maalox, both of which are short term fixes and don't do much. Tomorrow I will try Prevacid (my doc suggested so I know it's safe) and see if that helps. If only I knew when all this nausea would go away! I'd be counting down the days! Oh well, if that's the worst of what I have to deal with for now then I must be doing pretty well. Thank You God for this blessing of life even though I feel like roadkill right now! ;-)
Friday, September 7, 2012
Going to Perinatologist (High Risk OB) for testing
Last week, my rheumatologist ran some repeat bloodwork for me that I was concerned about. It's the Anticardiolipin panel that checks for three different types of anticardiolipins in the blood. There's Igg, Igm, and Iga. If the Igg level is high, it can indicate a condition called APS (Anticardio Phospholipid Syndrome). This syndrome causes the blood to clot more than it should and can lead to blood clots, strokes, and pregnancy loss at any point in the pregnancy. Scary stuff! I have a friend that went through losing 2 babies before they figured out that she needed to be on blood thinners throughout her entire pregnancy to prevent losing the baby. A year ago when my autoimmune disorder showed up, the anticardiolipin panel was run along with all my other bloodwork. The Igg level was at 21 which indicates a "low to medium positive" according to the lab. Needles to say, this freaked me out! I'm one of those patients that the doctors hate to see coming because I research stuff until I know it in my sleep because I worry so much, docs don't always like it lol. I get so sick of hearing "Get off the internet"! But I blame it on being the daughter of an RN who does the same lol. I don't claim to know as much as any doctor by any means but they tend to withhold information from patients to avoid stirring up fear and worry when it may not be necessary. And I totally get that. But I just have to know what is going on with my body! So when I got copies of all my bloodwork and went through them in depth, the Anticardiolipin Igg level really stuck out to me and I researched it until I was blue in the face. My rheumatologist ignored it. How in the world can you not address something like that? Well, I asked him and he said until I had a blood clot event, stroke, or lost more than one baby, they could not definitively diagnose APS. Ummm, no, not the answer I was hoping for! I refuse to sit back and wait on one of those events to happen, especially losing a baby! So I brought it to the attention of my obgyn who at the time said we would worry about it when and if I finally got pregnant. Well here we are and I had them repeat that blood panel and sure enough, the Igg was high again. It wasn't 21, it was 19 which puts it just under low positive to indeterminate. Usually if it's high once, they repeat it after 6 weeks to make sure it wasn't just high that day or a fluke. Well it's been high both times they checked it so to stay on the safe side, my OB is sending me to a Perinatologist for further testing. YES! Somebody is listening to me and not sweeping it under the rug until something big happens. Not that I want to see a perinatologist or be classified as high risk but if I do have APS, I want them to figure it out before it's too late. Seeing as how I have an autoimmune disorder, research shows that APS is more commonly a secondary condition to autoimmune disorders, lupus in particular. They don't think I have lupus so that's a mark in my favor but nonetheless, we're gonna take all precautionary measures to make sure the worst doesn't occur. Thank God for my OB, he's always been very receptive to what I'm worried about and is very good about making sure I know everything I need to know to put my fears to rest or deal with whatever issue is at hand to make sure the baby is ok. He is awesome!
So say a little prayer for me if you would! Things are going great right now but I still worry like crazy since my body is so screwed up it seems!
So say a little prayer for me if you would! Things are going great right now but I still worry like crazy since my body is so screwed up it seems!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
7 weeks 5 days + head cold
Had my second ultrasound yesterday and man was that a relief! Our little bean actually caught up some which helped me breathe easier. Measuring 5 weeks at 5 weeks 5 days was really causing me concern but yesterday at 7 weeks 4 days, she/he was measuring at 7 weeks 2 days so only 2 days off! Woohoo! And we got to see the little heart flickering away at 154 bpm, after which my husband let out the breath he was holding. He was as relieved as I was.
So my nausea actually did start up shortly after my last post. I was worried it wouldn't and then bam, here with a vengeance! The good thing is I haven't actually tossed my cookies yet, just have a constant nausea that nags at me all day every day unless I am eating. With my son, I was puking all day every day and couldn't even keep crackers down. So this is not near as bad. It still sucks nonetheless. And on top of that, I knew yesterday I was starting to get sick with a head cold. You know that feeling that your head is just full of pressure and you just feel out of sorts? I always get that the day before I get sick and today of course I woke up with a full blown, can't breath, head pounding cold. UGH! I know my immune system is down some right now but if it's going to cause me to get sick it could at least stop attacking my feet and give me a break from this insane arthritis! Walking around with what feels like broken toes and ankles that won't bend on a bed of sharp rocks is really taking a toll on me. I have to wear the same pair of flip flops every day with every outfit and it sucks! So gonna keep praying that gets better like everyone says it will.
And I just want to say how happy I am for all the bloggers I follow who also got their bfp's this month! Hoping that's a good sign for all of us! I know I have not had any losses and they have so I hope that my fears and insecurities about this pregnancy don't come across as annoying. I can't imagine what they've all gone through and I hope I don't have to experience it but I know it's a possibility. But I am so very happy for them because they so deserve to have a healthy and happy pregnancy and a healthy newborn on the other end of this long journey they've been on. So my heart goes out to you guys and you are always in my prayers! God Bless :-)
So my nausea actually did start up shortly after my last post. I was worried it wouldn't and then bam, here with a vengeance! The good thing is I haven't actually tossed my cookies yet, just have a constant nausea that nags at me all day every day unless I am eating. With my son, I was puking all day every day and couldn't even keep crackers down. So this is not near as bad. It still sucks nonetheless. And on top of that, I knew yesterday I was starting to get sick with a head cold. You know that feeling that your head is just full of pressure and you just feel out of sorts? I always get that the day before I get sick and today of course I woke up with a full blown, can't breath, head pounding cold. UGH! I know my immune system is down some right now but if it's going to cause me to get sick it could at least stop attacking my feet and give me a break from this insane arthritis! Walking around with what feels like broken toes and ankles that won't bend on a bed of sharp rocks is really taking a toll on me. I have to wear the same pair of flip flops every day with every outfit and it sucks! So gonna keep praying that gets better like everyone says it will.
And I just want to say how happy I am for all the bloggers I follow who also got their bfp's this month! Hoping that's a good sign for all of us! I know I have not had any losses and they have so I hope that my fears and insecurities about this pregnancy don't come across as annoying. I can't imagine what they've all gone through and I hope I don't have to experience it but I know it's a possibility. But I am so very happy for them because they so deserve to have a healthy and happy pregnancy and a healthy newborn on the other end of this long journey they've been on. So my heart goes out to you guys and you are always in my prayers! God Bless :-)
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
6 weeks 4 days (by my calcs)
So I'm in the 6th week and have yet to start the dreaded nausea! Yesterday I had some slight nausea but I think it was due to my meds because today, have 0 nausea (so far). I know it's crazy for me to want nausea but right now I just don't feel like it's real yet. When I'm puking my guts up, that's when I'll feel like it's real! Oh well, I guess as long as I have no bleeding and no cramps I'm good. I'm still slightly worried that my ultrasound measured me being 5 weeks instead of 5 weeks 5 days. I'm praying when I have my next u/s next week it will have caught up or they were measuring wrong! The waiting is the worst!
Right now I am super tired, only peeing alot at night, having headaches, face is oily, had an eye infection this weekend (I think it had something to do with my autoimmune disorder, it's supposed to be part of it they say) and that went away (thank God!), and my feet hurt SOOOO terribly bad! All the docs have told me that autoimmune disorders usually go into remission during pregnancy because your immune system is weaker but so far, I've had the opposite going on. My joints in my toes are more swollen and stiff and painful than they've ever been, I feel like I'm walking on rocks all day, my ankles won't move much and hurt like crazy, and my ribs kill me at night so I have to sleep in the recliner. This is no fun at all! I go back to see my rheumatologist next week so I'm hoping she can give me some hope that maybe there's something I can take to help with the flare that won't harm the baby. But at the same time I'm so scared to take anything! Well, just gonna keep praying that this stuff really does go into remission soon, otherwise it's going to be a very long 8 months.
I'm still trying to start a new pregnancy after infertility blog that will also cover pregnancy with autoimmune and back problems. Before getting pregnant I googled for months trying to find others that were pregnant or had been through pregnancy with degenerative disc disease. My lower back and SI joints are just a total mess and I know right now I'm ok but I'm terrified of the second and especially the third trimester. I've read some horror stories like losing feeling in one leg or having to have surgery while pregnant and I'm just not looking forward to what could happen. I know I usually expect the worse so I hope this turns out that way and I do ok. So many people wonder why I haven't had surgery yet and then tried for a baby but right now, no doctor wants to do surgery on me because of my young age and the fact that pregnancy could put too much strain on fused vertebrae and cause even more problems. So my plan is I will have surgery after the baby and they can fix anything that has gotten worse during pregnancy along with the rest all at one time. It may not turn out like I want but I'm here now and there's no turning back! If I have to spend the last half of my pregnancy in a wheelchair or in bed, I will do so and it will be worth it! I am so thankful God has blessed me with the pregnancy and I truly believe He will get me through it one way or another.
So anyway, I will post when I get my new blog running for anyone that's interested. Hoping it will be more successful than this one has been lol.
Right now I am super tired, only peeing alot at night, having headaches, face is oily, had an eye infection this weekend (I think it had something to do with my autoimmune disorder, it's supposed to be part of it they say) and that went away (thank God!), and my feet hurt SOOOO terribly bad! All the docs have told me that autoimmune disorders usually go into remission during pregnancy because your immune system is weaker but so far, I've had the opposite going on. My joints in my toes are more swollen and stiff and painful than they've ever been, I feel like I'm walking on rocks all day, my ankles won't move much and hurt like crazy, and my ribs kill me at night so I have to sleep in the recliner. This is no fun at all! I go back to see my rheumatologist next week so I'm hoping she can give me some hope that maybe there's something I can take to help with the flare that won't harm the baby. But at the same time I'm so scared to take anything! Well, just gonna keep praying that this stuff really does go into remission soon, otherwise it's going to be a very long 8 months.
I'm still trying to start a new pregnancy after infertility blog that will also cover pregnancy with autoimmune and back problems. Before getting pregnant I googled for months trying to find others that were pregnant or had been through pregnancy with degenerative disc disease. My lower back and SI joints are just a total mess and I know right now I'm ok but I'm terrified of the second and especially the third trimester. I've read some horror stories like losing feeling in one leg or having to have surgery while pregnant and I'm just not looking forward to what could happen. I know I usually expect the worse so I hope this turns out that way and I do ok. So many people wonder why I haven't had surgery yet and then tried for a baby but right now, no doctor wants to do surgery on me because of my young age and the fact that pregnancy could put too much strain on fused vertebrae and cause even more problems. So my plan is I will have surgery after the baby and they can fix anything that has gotten worse during pregnancy along with the rest all at one time. It may not turn out like I want but I'm here now and there's no turning back! If I have to spend the last half of my pregnancy in a wheelchair or in bed, I will do so and it will be worth it! I am so thankful God has blessed me with the pregnancy and I truly believe He will get me through it one way or another.
So anyway, I will post when I get my new blog running for anyone that's interested. Hoping it will be more successful than this one has been lol.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Back, still pregnant!
I've been out for a few days, still trying to get a new blog set up and all that. Had my first ultrasound on Thursday! I was a bit disappointed because I know about when I ovulated and I know I could not be off more than a day or two and should be 6 weeks exactly tomorrow and I would have been 5 weeks 5 days Thursday. My gestational sac measure only 5 weeks!!! What the heck is that about? Needless to say, I'm worried and anxious and frustrated and will be until I see the second ultrasound in two weeks. If the dates aren't caught up by then I'm afraid I might have implanted late which does not bode well for viability. Maybe I'm borrowing trouble and it's perfectly fine but being a worrier anyway isn't helping me! Just praying it's all perfect and I'm crazy !
As far as symptoms, not much to speak of. Boobs still sore, some round ligament pain (which is weird this early) and not much else. I honestly felt more pregnant last week than this week. Guess I should enjoy it while I can but I can't help but worry still. Oh this is gonna be a long two weeks and even longer first trimester!
As far as symptoms, not much to speak of. Boobs still sore, some round ligament pain (which is weird this early) and not much else. I honestly felt more pregnant last week than this week. Guess I should enjoy it while I can but I can't help but worry still. Oh this is gonna be a long two weeks and even longer first trimester!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
First Beta...Blog Transition
Soooo after getting my BFP yesterday morning, I had my first beta and progesterone yesterday afternoon. I'm a little disappointed in my beta number, it's only 136. Considering I was 16 dpo according to FF, that's not an amazing number. If I was really 15 dpo then it's better but there's no way to really tell now. My progesterone was 37 which is really good. But that Hcg number needs to double or triple by tomorrow so asking for prayers on that front.
On another note, I have been dealing with some terrible drama from my husbands ex-wife and it's taking a severe toll on my sanity. She claims I've hurt her son's feelings and am mean to him. I feel like she's being unfair and vindictive because all I've done is discipline the kid and he always runs home, tells half the story, and they get mad at me. It's rediculous and it's killing me because now she won't allow me near her daughter who is my husband's biological child (the boy is not). I love both of them but now because she and her mother are full of so much malice and hate an couldn't come to me like adults, just attacked me, on Facebook!!! How childish is that?!!! Anyway I've prayed about it and have been the one to apologize and they still refuse to respond so only God can take care of it now.
As for the blog, I'm thinking of transitioning from TTC to Pregnancy and changing it up a bit. So far I've gotten zero comments and only one follower so it seems my blog is not successful. I read it more than anyone else. Soo, I've got some research to do to find out what makes a blog tick. But anyway, that's all the news on this front.
Symptoms:
Insomnia!!!! Woke up at 3:30 am and could not go back to sleep.
Not hungry, have to force myself to eat, nothing tastes good.
Boobs hurt
Stretching pains near pelvic bone
Tiny spotting yesterday and today, so tiny its hardly visible.
Increased heartrate
Achy muscles
Shortness of breath
Panic attack today (ugh, had these with my son, not fun!)
On another note, I have been dealing with some terrible drama from my husbands ex-wife and it's taking a severe toll on my sanity. She claims I've hurt her son's feelings and am mean to him. I feel like she's being unfair and vindictive because all I've done is discipline the kid and he always runs home, tells half the story, and they get mad at me. It's rediculous and it's killing me because now she won't allow me near her daughter who is my husband's biological child (the boy is not). I love both of them but now because she and her mother are full of so much malice and hate an couldn't come to me like adults, just attacked me, on Facebook!!! How childish is that?!!! Anyway I've prayed about it and have been the one to apologize and they still refuse to respond so only God can take care of it now.
As for the blog, I'm thinking of transitioning from TTC to Pregnancy and changing it up a bit. So far I've gotten zero comments and only one follower so it seems my blog is not successful. I read it more than anyone else. Soo, I've got some research to do to find out what makes a blog tick. But anyway, that's all the news on this front.
Symptoms:
Insomnia!!!! Woke up at 3:30 am and could not go back to sleep.
Not hungry, have to force myself to eat, nothing tastes good.
Boobs hurt
Stretching pains near pelvic bone
Tiny spotting yesterday and today, so tiny its hardly visible.
Increased heartrate
Achy muscles
Shortness of breath
Panic attack today (ugh, had these with my son, not fun!)
Monday, August 6, 2012
A MIRACLE BFP 16 DPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank You Lord, thank You!!!
So today started out like any other, I expected my temp to drop some more. I was not trusting when FF said my O date was so the app said I should have started yesterday but my calculations I thought I really would have started today. On 14 DPO (or 13 by my calculations) I woke up in the middle of the night with some slight spotting. And seeing as how FF expected AF to start the next day, I assumed it was AF showing up already. Well when I got up the next morning, there was no blood whatsoever. Which I thought was weird. So I thought, if I spotted last night, I've gotta start in a day or two. My temps have been dropping for 3 days straight so I knew there was no way. But when I woke up this morning, my temp shot back up to 98.0. And I though, how could that be? What's up with that? Then I got a little hopeful. I headed out for work, stopped by Wally world and bought some FRER's and came in to work. I had a really really bad weekend with my husband's ex wife and mother being really cruel to me and lying and calling me a bad stepmother and it was just awful. Now I can't see my youngest stepdaughter because of it so my whole weekend was nothing but alot of crying. So when I came in to work, I had to tell my office manager about the events of the weekend. She of course was very sympathetic and made me feel alot better. She's like a second mamma to me and is always there for me. After all that and crying, I decided to sneak to the bathroom and take a test. So I did, and right away, second line!!! I was faint at first but got very dark after it sat for the whole 5 minutes. Oh my gosh I could have screamed for joy in that bathroom! I jumped up and down and did a little happy dance and praised the Lord for this blessing! We were sooo sure this month was a no go because the last bd'ing we did didn't seem to be very successful. But lo and behold, apparently his swimmers are still good!
The first person I told was my bestie who has a 2 year old little boy who is my god son. She has been my bestie since we were 3 years old and I love her dearly. She's been there for me every step of this journey as my encouragement and shoulder to cry on. I don't know what I'd do without her! Of course you'd think I'd tell my hubby first but he's at work and I couldn't talk to him. I did text him the photo of the positive HPT though so I'm sure as soon as he gets off he's gonna get a huge surprise! Maybe he won't break down and cry in front of all his coworkers lol. But I know it will make the rest of his week much better.
I will go for labs this afternoon. My doc's nurse said he wants to make sure my progesterone levels are good and my beta is good. So if you pray, please pray all that comes out great! If my progesterone is not great they will give me supplements. I've been using a cream but it's not as potent as what they prescribe. I'm on my prenatals already and also on metformin that I'm assuming they want me to continue.
For a breakdown of my symptoms by DPO, this is what I can remember:
1dpo: nothing out of the ordinary, just leftover cramping from O
2dpo: same
3dpo: still some cramping, not much, nothing else new
4dpo: noticing that temps are flatlining at 97.7, sort of strange
5dpo: creamy cm, back hurts, feel bloated, bad heartburn
6dpo: backache, bloated, crampy, heartburn, boobs starting to hurt
7dpo: cervix soft, closed (normal for this time) backache, heartburn, huge temp spike up to 98.2
8dpo: backache, cervix medium, closed, heartburn, boobs sort of sore underneath, temps back down
9dpo: same, backache, boobs hurt underneath, heartburn
10dpo: backache, feel full in lower abdomen, cramps, bad headache, heartburn
11dpo: cervix high, firm, closed, cramps, no backache, headache, sore throat, excess postnasal drainage (yuck), temp 97.7
12dpo: temp up to 98.1, no cm, headache, boobs hurt underneath, sore throat, excess mucus in throat
13dpo: temp drop to 98 (really sounds like af on her way), still sore throat and excess mucus in throat, peeing several times at night
14dpo: temp drop to 97.9, so sure AF is gonna show up! slight spotting in middle of the night, gotta be af on her way. Sore throat gone, throat mucus still there, NO CM at all, boobs still sorta sore, peeing alot at night
15dpo: temp drop to 97.7, what is the deal here? where is af if my temp keeps dropping? No cm, boobs less sore, been a hard day so crying alot but with all the accusations and hatred flying at me it's expected I'd be crying anyway.
16dpo: temp shoots up to 98.0, what the heck?!! Hmm, go to pee, no AF at all, nothing. Take test at 9am, BFP!!! boobs not very sore at all, still have some excess mucus in throat, pretty emotional, can cry at the drop of a hat, noticed very tiny spot of blood on tp when I check cervix at 2 pm. Really praying this is for real and not chemical! The line is so dark on that test, I hope that that is a good sign!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
10-11 DPO
Here we are on 10-11 dpo (not sure since FF says 11 but I'm thinking 10) and nothing much new to report. Besides being very irritable! Ha! Not new for me since starting this whole ttc ordeal. Hormones are not my friends! Ummm I have had some cramping every day since O, kind of full bloaty achy feeling in my lower abdomen. Trying not to read into that though. My feet still hurt like crazy. They aren't quite as swollen as they were so they are moving more but having stiff joints go from no movement to moving makes them hurt more. All the docs I see say pregnancy can make an autoimmune disorder go into remission so it'd be nice if this "less swollen" stuff means something! One very weird thing that's been happening (warning probably TMI) is I have orgasms in my sleep...so strange! I remember having them a lot when I was pregnant with my son and since we've been ttc, I've had them twice. Usually in the two week wait but usually only once. So far I've had them two nights in a row. I know that it may not mean anything and probably doesn't since I've had them without being preggo but ya know, any little sign of hope helps! They are extremely painful and not fun, nothing like having one while awake. It's like I will start waking up as it's ending and it feels like severe cramps in my uterus and they last for a while after I'm awake. I'd like to say they are awesome but they are not, they are sooo painful! I'm just praying that if implantation has/is happening that it's not going to hurt anything. K and I are so careful during the tww and I've heard that IVF patients are advised not to have an orgasm during the tww to avoid dislodging or interrupting the implantation. But I hope that's just for them. But anyway, yeah, strange!
On other fronts, school is about to start and I am SO thrilled! I've had a house full of 5 children for most of the summer and it is really getting to me! My husband's oldest daughter (15) babysits the younger ones so she has to be at my house and watch them every day. On the weeks my husband is home we don't have them all as much but it still feels like they are living with me. Don't get me wrong, I love them all! But I could not imagine having 5 biological children in the same household (especially a small house like ours)! I don't have the patience for it at all! So schoolyear: hurry up and start! I need a break! Which brings us back to my irritability. I feel so guilty because I just have no patience and don't really like the kids right now. I love em but my fuse is very short and they are testing me to the uppermost limits, let me tell ya!
Anyways, my chart this month is weird. My temps started out flatlining at 97.7 for 4 days right after O, shot up for 2 days to 97.9-98.2, now are back down to 97.7. Weirdest chart I've had in a while. I'm thinking it has something to do with not being on clomid this cycle because that made my progesterone levels high during the luteal phase and even though I'm using progesterone cream right now, I'm wondering if my P levels just aren't that great right now. Which does not bode well for a successful pregnancy. Think I'll test early and if I get a miracle, will call my doc right away to get me on supplements.
Well that's all for today! Praying praying praying for that miracle!
On other fronts, school is about to start and I am SO thrilled! I've had a house full of 5 children for most of the summer and it is really getting to me! My husband's oldest daughter (15) babysits the younger ones so she has to be at my house and watch them every day. On the weeks my husband is home we don't have them all as much but it still feels like they are living with me. Don't get me wrong, I love them all! But I could not imagine having 5 biological children in the same household (especially a small house like ours)! I don't have the patience for it at all! So schoolyear: hurry up and start! I need a break! Which brings us back to my irritability. I feel so guilty because I just have no patience and don't really like the kids right now. I love em but my fuse is very short and they are testing me to the uppermost limits, let me tell ya!
Anyways, my chart this month is weird. My temps started out flatlining at 97.7 for 4 days right after O, shot up for 2 days to 97.9-98.2, now are back down to 97.7. Weirdest chart I've had in a while. I'm thinking it has something to do with not being on clomid this cycle because that made my progesterone levels high during the luteal phase and even though I'm using progesterone cream right now, I'm wondering if my P levels just aren't that great right now. Which does not bode well for a successful pregnancy. Think I'll test early and if I get a miracle, will call my doc right away to get me on supplements.
Well that's all for today! Praying praying praying for that miracle!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sausage Toes & 5 dpo
Sausage Toes..what is that you say? Oh just a lovely symptom that comes along with my mysterious autoimmune disorder that makes my toes turn into giant lobster looking sausage digits. Yes, it sounds funny. But believe me, it's anything but. Imagine breaking almost all of your toes at one time and trying to walk around with them feeling that way for months on end. Yep, that's what it feels like. And looks like. Except they aren't black, just very reddish purple and huge. The ones that are swollen (which right now would be on left: big toe, third, and pinky. On right: big toe, middle and third.) make the ones that aren't swollen look emaciated and flimsy. Lol, almost like the swollen ones are sucking the life out of the ones that aren't. It sucks. But I have to find a way to laugh at myself or I'd cry. I'm flopping around in flip flops every day, limping, and looking downright goofy (in my opinion). And the worst part, I can't take anything to make it stop. As soon as I told my rheumatologist we wanted to ttc, he took me off all my meds that made the awful sausage toes and swollen ankles go away. It stayed in remission for nearly 9 months. But, now it's back with a vengeance. So my only option is prednisone. Short doses (7 days) at a time. Will it really help? Probably not as much as I'd like but all this pain is worth it to me if we are able to get pregnant.
As for our ttc stuff, at 5 dpo my temps are flatlining. I've been a solid 97.7 for the last 5 days. Which is really weird. Will it mean anything? Probably not. But again, all I can do is wait and see, not too much hope, not too much despair. Just trust that God's working out something amazing. Which reminds me of my doctor I saw today about my arthritis. She was so sweet and told me to just remember that God's timing is always so perfect and so amazing!
As for our ttc stuff, at 5 dpo my temps are flatlining. I've been a solid 97.7 for the last 5 days. Which is really weird. Will it mean anything? Probably not. But again, all I can do is wait and see, not too much hope, not too much despair. Just trust that God's working out something amazing. Which reminds me of my doctor I saw today about my arthritis. She was so sweet and told me to just remember that God's timing is always so perfect and so amazing!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
3 dpo...reflecting
Well today is 3 dpo (I really hope!) according to Fertility Friend. This O was a bit strange because last month I never actually got a +opk but I attributed that to not testing regularly or twice a day. This time, I got +opk's for 2 days straight. BUT, on the second day, my temp shot up and I had tons of O pain. I hurt so bad just moving and every time I sat down it felt like my ovaries were being smashed (swollen maybe?). So I'm wondering if you can ovulate while the surge is still occuring? Or would the pain be post-O? I dunno. Then yesterday, some slight cramping but nothing like the day before. And my temps have stayed up since then so FF says I O'd on Saturday which would mean we bd the day before (hubby left for work Fri) but was it enough? It's so hard to bd the day he leaves because it's always when he goes back for the night shift and has to leave that Friday morning so we have to bd in the morning which is not easy for either of us. We're not in the mood, we're tired, we're cranky. Just doesn't bode well for successful bd'ing. Oh well, we shall see. If not, at least next month we are one day closer to ovulating while he's still home. Last month I O'd on the Monday after he left, this time was Saturday, very good! (If FF is right).
I'm in the middle of a big debate with myself. Last night before bed I read a scripture about when the Isrealites were in the wilderness complaining to God that they were tired of eating the manna, they wanted meat. So because of their groaning and complaining, God said ok, you want meat? You'll get meat. And tons of it. So much that it will make you sick. And that's what happened. So am I like them? Groaning and complaining and praying for a baby when I should be thankful for what God's already given me? What if He does the same with me? What if I get pregnant and then realize, oh why did I pray for this? Not that it wouldn't be a blessing. It would be a huge blessing! But with my body being the way it is, autoimmune disorder and a back and SI joints that are completely trashed, will it be too much for me to handle physically? I have 4 stepchildren. Will having one more in the house when they are over prove to be too much and push me into a nervous breakdown? See what I'm saying? You've heard the saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". I'm very afraid of feeling that way once I get what I've been praying for. Unless He says "no" and it doesn't happen. That will be hard to take too. Before we were told we needed to start trying now and not later, I wasn't that worried about having another. For years I've said "we've got too many as it is!" and didn't want another. But the minute I was told I might not get the chance, boy you better believe my biological clock kicked in gear! From that point on, all we've done is pray and try and pray and try and beg and plead and we stay disappointed over and over again. Now, I'm thinking maybe I just need to let go. Maybe God's waiting for me to just let it be and let Him decide what happens. So that's what I'm going to try to do. Stop obsessing, stop crying, stop getting angry, stop begging. Leave it in His hands and hope that if He chooses to bless us with another child, He will get me through the pregnancy. I know that sometimes God makes us wait for something for a very good reason. It may just be that if I had gotten what I wanted right away, something terrible would have happened. I have to believe there is a reason we are in this struggle. Maybe that reason is to draw us closer to Him and strengthen our trust in Him instead of putting all our faith in ourselves that we can make it happen on our own.
I'm in the middle of a big debate with myself. Last night before bed I read a scripture about when the Isrealites were in the wilderness complaining to God that they were tired of eating the manna, they wanted meat. So because of their groaning and complaining, God said ok, you want meat? You'll get meat. And tons of it. So much that it will make you sick. And that's what happened. So am I like them? Groaning and complaining and praying for a baby when I should be thankful for what God's already given me? What if He does the same with me? What if I get pregnant and then realize, oh why did I pray for this? Not that it wouldn't be a blessing. It would be a huge blessing! But with my body being the way it is, autoimmune disorder and a back and SI joints that are completely trashed, will it be too much for me to handle physically? I have 4 stepchildren. Will having one more in the house when they are over prove to be too much and push me into a nervous breakdown? See what I'm saying? You've heard the saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". I'm very afraid of feeling that way once I get what I've been praying for. Unless He says "no" and it doesn't happen. That will be hard to take too. Before we were told we needed to start trying now and not later, I wasn't that worried about having another. For years I've said "we've got too many as it is!" and didn't want another. But the minute I was told I might not get the chance, boy you better believe my biological clock kicked in gear! From that point on, all we've done is pray and try and pray and try and beg and plead and we stay disappointed over and over again. Now, I'm thinking maybe I just need to let go. Maybe God's waiting for me to just let it be and let Him decide what happens. So that's what I'm going to try to do. Stop obsessing, stop crying, stop getting angry, stop begging. Leave it in His hands and hope that if He chooses to bless us with another child, He will get me through the pregnancy. I know that sometimes God makes us wait for something for a very good reason. It may just be that if I had gotten what I wanted right away, something terrible would have happened. I have to believe there is a reason we are in this struggle. Maybe that reason is to draw us closer to Him and strengthen our trust in Him instead of putting all our faith in ourselves that we can make it happen on our own.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
O day
Thinking today is O day! Really hoping anyway. Got my first +opk yesterday and started cramping and bloating. Amazed I'm ovulating still without clomid! K went to work yesterday so it would be awesome to O today. But again, not expecting anything at all. We've reached a point where we are just indifferent. My arthritis in my feet is making walking so difficult and I know if I don't go see my rheumatologist soon, it's just gonna keep getting worse. Which means I'll be back on all my meds and have to stop ttc. I don't want that at all but
I don't know what else to do. Ahh well....that's life, we make all these plans but only God knows what will happen and it will be in His time, not ours.
I don't know what else to do. Ahh well....that's life, we make all these plans but only God knows what will happen and it will be in His time, not ours.
Monday, July 16, 2012
CD 7 and Diet
Once again waiting on ovulation but I know I'm still days away. I've been doing some research to find out what foods are good for fertility. I have to admit, my diet is awful. Last year I lost near 30 lbs. on phentermine (a type of amphetamine prescribed by my dr. for weight loss) but of course gained it all back after getting off of the medication. It was too easy, I was never hungry so losing weight wasn't a problem. But I cannot go back on that medication and do not want to because, well, it doesn't do any good to lose then gain back. I think I have tried everything including weight watchers (which was great but could not keep up with meetings) and I cannot seem to find a good way to really change my eating habits and my eating lifestyle. I can't get up the will power and stress over ttc is not helping at all.
My biggest problem: sugar. I crave it day and night like a drug addict. And really, that's what it has become, an addiction. I honestly don't eat a whole lot of regular food, my meals are modest and I usually get full pretty fast. But when it comes to sweets, I will eat them like crazy. And I don't know how to stop! Now, I DO NOT sit around all day stuffing candy bars and twinkies in my face. I don't even keep things like that in my house at all. I'm more of a sweet tea, pie for desert, cereal before bed type person. I can manage myself ok for most of the day (except for lunch when I will have a Dr. Pepper) but at night, that's when it gets ugly. We may have a modest supper, lean meat, veggie and a starch. But I usually have sweet tea (more than one glass) and crave some sort of sweet after dinner. Which always leads to sugary cereal before bed. It's become a habit, and a very very bad one! I have no idea how to get off of the sugar craving roller coaster and I know that it's affecting my ability to conceive. If anyone has any pointers, please leave me some comments! I'm desperate guys!
As for the research I did, it was all the usual "eat whole grains, colorful veggies, stay away from caffeine, nuts, healthy oils, etc.". So I know what I'm supposed to eat, how do I get my body to like those things? While I don't eat a whole lot in general, comfort foods are what we cook around my house. I'm southern and grew up on mammaw's spaghetti and cornbread, beef stew, porkchops with rice and gravy, that kind of thing. Which aren't so great in the "low carb" and "low calorie" department. I do eat veggies like spinach, peas, squash, etc. But not nearly enough of them. There are just alot of veggies that I can't stomach. Especially all the fancy veggies that I can't even pronounce that I see on TV every day when there's a cooking show on preparing some gourmet meal. Well, guess I will just have to eat more of the ones I do like.
So here's to healthier eating and some exercise. I'm going to try to incorporate this into my ttc regimen. I should have a long time ago. It's just so freaking hard!!!
My biggest problem: sugar. I crave it day and night like a drug addict. And really, that's what it has become, an addiction. I honestly don't eat a whole lot of regular food, my meals are modest and I usually get full pretty fast. But when it comes to sweets, I will eat them like crazy. And I don't know how to stop! Now, I DO NOT sit around all day stuffing candy bars and twinkies in my face. I don't even keep things like that in my house at all. I'm more of a sweet tea, pie for desert, cereal before bed type person. I can manage myself ok for most of the day (except for lunch when I will have a Dr. Pepper) but at night, that's when it gets ugly. We may have a modest supper, lean meat, veggie and a starch. But I usually have sweet tea (more than one glass) and crave some sort of sweet after dinner. Which always leads to sugary cereal before bed. It's become a habit, and a very very bad one! I have no idea how to get off of the sugar craving roller coaster and I know that it's affecting my ability to conceive. If anyone has any pointers, please leave me some comments! I'm desperate guys!
As for the research I did, it was all the usual "eat whole grains, colorful veggies, stay away from caffeine, nuts, healthy oils, etc.". So I know what I'm supposed to eat, how do I get my body to like those things? While I don't eat a whole lot in general, comfort foods are what we cook around my house. I'm southern and grew up on mammaw's spaghetti and cornbread, beef stew, porkchops with rice and gravy, that kind of thing. Which aren't so great in the "low carb" and "low calorie" department. I do eat veggies like spinach, peas, squash, etc. But not nearly enough of them. There are just alot of veggies that I can't stomach. Especially all the fancy veggies that I can't even pronounce that I see on TV every day when there's a cooking show on preparing some gourmet meal. Well, guess I will just have to eat more of the ones I do like.
So here's to healthier eating and some exercise. I'm going to try to incorporate this into my ttc regimen. I should have a long time ago. It's just so freaking hard!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Another unmedicated cycle..
So we made the decision to take another month off from meds. Is it a wise decision? I don't know yet but I know that paying $275 for crinone (alternate to prochieve which was discontinued) will not guarantee a baby. The main reason being- k will not be home the week ff says I will ovulate. But of course I've only said that a million times lately! It's really hard right now for us. We don't see any way to make o sooner without throwing my cycle off completely by going on bc for a month which could put us back at square one w all my hormone issues so that's a risk we don't wanna take until we have to. We will see how this cycle goes. I may or may not ovulate on my own. I might try the vitex chaste berry just to have something working on my ovaries.
So that's where we're at. If I can come up with the money next month we'll try the prochieve but I think that's the extent of how far I will go with treatments. I know an IUI will probably be very expensive and who knows if the timing will ever work out. So we're sort of a special case in this ttc journey. We're doing all we can but the scheduling just won't seem to work. All I can really do now is pray my hubby's rig moves back to this state sometime in the near future. Then we might be cookin with fire but until then, we're just spinning our wheels.
So that's where we're at. If I can come up with the money next month we'll try the prochieve but I think that's the extent of how far I will go with treatments. I know an IUI will probably be very expensive and who knows if the timing will ever work out. So we're sort of a special case in this ttc journey. We're doing all we can but the scheduling just won't seem to work. All I can really do now is pray my hubby's rig moves back to this state sometime in the near future. Then we might be cookin with fire but until then, we're just spinning our wheels.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
AF is here...
Yep! Knew she would show up can't say I was surprised or even that disappointed really. I'm becoming indifferent..it's obvious I won't ever ovulate soon enough to catch the egg so I am actually considering giving up. My plan to ovulate early while taking a clomid break obviously backfired so according to FF I would start today and O will fall the week Dh is gone. Once again...for the 7th month in a row. How does that happen? I mean with a regular 28 day cycle it seems at some point it would come back around. But noo every month is different, no 2 cycles are ever the same. Just love my insane body and my husbands crazy work schedule. So that's where I am. I have no idea what to do now. No clue. What's the point of taking more clomid, paying $300 for procheive, and stressing out over the days waiting for O when I know without a doubt it won't happen while he's home. I'm totally lost right now...
Friday, July 6, 2012
13 dpo..BFN
Don't know why I would expect any different. I really didn't but there's always that tiny voice that says "just maybe..". Oh I hate this over and over let down every month, it's always so hard! And yet I still keep thinking "maybe I'm testing too early, maybe I'm a day off or something" but every time I do that, I know that there really isn't a chance. I'm beginning to wonder if it's not just me. Maybe his swimmers aren't ok even though he has fathered 4 children. Maybe his job in the oil/gas drilling industry has exposed him to massive amounts of chemicals and they have all been killed off? I don't know but I really pray that's not true. So our next step is getting a semen analysis. We were putting it off to see if we didn't have to go that route (getting the collection is not going to be easy.. due to our beliefs masturbation is not an option). Plus it costs $110 just to get the analysis done on top of all the other $ we're shelling out for blood tests and whatnot.
Have I mentioned how tired I am? SOOO very TIRED! Why can't it just happen like it does for all those folks that aren't even trying or don't even want a baby? Is it because I want it so much? Is it because I'm being impatient and God's teaching me a lesson? I don't know but I don't want to keep going through this. I'm at the point where if it doesn't happen soon, I will HAVE to go back on my arthritis meds because I can barely walk and I do NOT want to do that. That will end our ttc journey, if not permanently at least temporarily and all I've done to get to where I am: I am ovulating, I have actual cycles that start and end in a somewhat normal fashion, I've spent I don't know how much on clomid and herbal supplements and bloodwork. All that will be for naught if I have to go back on those meds. It's SOOO frustrating!!
Sorry to vent...it's just one of those days and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I know I have to stop, it's just not easy!
Have I mentioned how tired I am? SOOO very TIRED! Why can't it just happen like it does for all those folks that aren't even trying or don't even want a baby? Is it because I want it so much? Is it because I'm being impatient and God's teaching me a lesson? I don't know but I don't want to keep going through this. I'm at the point where if it doesn't happen soon, I will HAVE to go back on my arthritis meds because I can barely walk and I do NOT want to do that. That will end our ttc journey, if not permanently at least temporarily and all I've done to get to where I am: I am ovulating, I have actual cycles that start and end in a somewhat normal fashion, I've spent I don't know how much on clomid and herbal supplements and bloodwork. All that will be for naught if I have to go back on those meds. It's SOOO frustrating!!
Sorry to vent...it's just one of those days and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I know I have to stop, it's just not easy!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Looking back..hope
So I created this blog mostly just to keep track of my journey through TTC and pregnancy and to be able to look back on where I've been. Looking back at earlier posts in the last 3 months, I find my posts to be almost silly! I symptom spotted to such a degree that every time I was so sure my miracle had happened. At this point, all I can do is laugh at myself! This journey has definitely made me realize how wrapped up we get, how completely consumed we are with trying to conceive a life. It's maddening really! Now, I find symptom spotting has become utterly useless since all pre-af symptoms resemble pregnancy symptoms anyway. Last month, the day before af showed up, I had to pee every 30 minutes. And of course I thought that was weird but I didn't even get my hopes up. Sure enough, she showed up the next day with a vengeance! This month.. almost no symptoms at all. Cramping here and there but nothing significant. Nausea here and there but I'm on Metformin so nausea is my constant companion anyway. So I've resigned yet again to not get my hopes up. I think the saying goes "hope for the best but expect the worst". That's where I am. I still have hope, I won't give up hope. God tells us that He is our hope so that is where I must place it. Hope in Him and hope that His plan is just around the corner and greater than my own. But I also know he could tell me no. That's something I struggle with. I don't want it to be no. But I don't know my future and what He holds for it so I have to trust that He knows better than I do because of course He does! He's never failed me before and despite the trials I've been through, my life is pretty great.
So here's to hope! And an assurance that no matter the outcome, God is faithful and we will be blessed. :-)
So here's to hope! And an assurance that no matter the outcome, God is faithful and we will be blessed. :-)
Monday, July 2, 2012
8 dpo - camping, drama, symptoms
Here I am yet again in the 2ww and ready for it to be over! One way or another! I have almost no symptoms, temps are high w/a dip yesterday (Implantation? probably wishful thinking) and the days are just dragging on. Went camping over the weekend with my family and my aunt & uncle which was pretty nice. It would have been much nicer if my husband's ever needy ex-wife had not decided to ream him out on Friday and basically call him a deadbeat dad (if you knew the things we do for that woman and those kids, you would know that deadbeat is not possible) and that put a damper on things for me. Now I'm doing everything I can for this woman who seems to take advantage of us at every opportunity she can just to appease her for a while. I don't need drama. My brain cannot handle drama anymore. I thought we were through with the psychotic version of her 6 years ago! We've even been friends, or so I thought. Well hard times for her and her husband being put in jail for punching his teenage daughter have left her alone and having to work like normal people and pay for daycare like everyone else and pay rent and everything else just like we all have to do. And she doesn't like it. So we're the easiest to beat on and place blame on. Give me a break. AHHHHH, sorry for the rant! It's been one long weekend and I still have the headache.
So, trying to symptom spot has gotten me nowhere this 2ww. The only out of the ordinary stuff I have going on is I've been really hot and having lots of hot flashes but I've also started using progesterone cream so that may be the reason for that. No breast pain whatsoever. Except for the muscle pain under my armpits from falling in the river yesterday and having to drag myself back onto the dock. That was pretty funny but not very fun at the time! I have a headache like nobody's business that I went to bed with last night and woke up with this morning. Nearly zero cramping. Some creamy cm over the weekend but it's gone back to being sticky. Ummm what else...guess that's it. I've heard some folks say they had no symptoms in the 2ww when they got their bfp so I'm hoping against hope that is the case for me. I won't test until at least 12dpo so the next four days will be torture lol.
Did I mention that I've downloaded one of those pregnancy apps that tells you where your baby is at every stage? Yep, I know I'm weird but I like pretending that I really do have a little blastocyst in there with cells rapidly dividing and avoiding tuna and caffeine as if I have a reason to. I do it every month and am disappointed every month when I have to reset the due date to what it will be if I catch the egg next month. But oh well, it's something to do to pass the time and dream.
Hope you all are having a happy 4th of July week. It's gonna be a long one here!
So, trying to symptom spot has gotten me nowhere this 2ww. The only out of the ordinary stuff I have going on is I've been really hot and having lots of hot flashes but I've also started using progesterone cream so that may be the reason for that. No breast pain whatsoever. Except for the muscle pain under my armpits from falling in the river yesterday and having to drag myself back onto the dock. That was pretty funny but not very fun at the time! I have a headache like nobody's business that I went to bed with last night and woke up with this morning. Nearly zero cramping. Some creamy cm over the weekend but it's gone back to being sticky. Ummm what else...guess that's it. I've heard some folks say they had no symptoms in the 2ww when they got their bfp so I'm hoping against hope that is the case for me. I won't test until at least 12dpo so the next four days will be torture lol.
Did I mention that I've downloaded one of those pregnancy apps that tells you where your baby is at every stage? Yep, I know I'm weird but I like pretending that I really do have a little blastocyst in there with cells rapidly dividing and avoiding tuna and caffeine as if I have a reason to. I do it every month and am disappointed every month when I have to reset the due date to what it will be if I catch the egg next month. But oh well, it's something to do to pass the time and dream.
Hope you all are having a happy 4th of July week. It's gonna be a long one here!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Arthritis, anxiety, & Fertility Friend woes
So good ole "Arthur" has come around again...not fun. I think I mentioned in one of my early posts that I have an unidentified autoimmune disorder. It's spondyloarthropathic (there's a fancy word I wish was not in my vocab) in nature but that's all they know for now. As such, it will end up being one of 4 specific AD's: Crohns, Ulcerative Colitis, Psoriatic Arthritis, or Ankylosing Spondylitis. Sounds fun right? Well so far, it's caused my toes to look like huge red and purple sausages and the soles of my feet feel like I've been stepping on rocks and my ankles swell up. Thankfully that's all..so far. It had gone into remission with sulfur drugs and stayed that way after I stopped them last yr to start ttc. Everything got so much better! But it's gradually coming back. It starts with one toe then another and another until the only footwear I'm capable of wearing are flip flops. Good thing it's summer lol it wasn't so fun in winter wearing them! Well, this means I have to either go back on my meds and halt ttc for however long it takes to go away again or hope I get preggo soon. Supposedly, pregnancy tends to make autoimmune disorders go onto remission but they almost always flare up immediately after delivery. I'm gonna take my chances with pregnancy! I've been trying since October of last year, I refuse to put it on hold now! So anyways, that's what's going on there.
As for anxiety, it sucks!! With k gone this week, its worse of course. As for FF..she's not much of a friend this week! I guess my temps are wacky cuz I'm not on clomid this month so charting is getting frustrating. My temp finally went way up this morning which should have triggered crosshairs on my chart but they r nowhere to be seen. I guess maybe my post o temps just aren't high enough yet for FF to tell me when O was. Nonetheless, I know it was either Fri or Sat just judging by my ovarian pain. Still crampy today but nothing major. Oh this waiting. I know I say that often! Well, bye for now, will be back in a few days I'm sure :-)
As for anxiety, it sucks!! With k gone this week, its worse of course. As for FF..she's not much of a friend this week! I guess my temps are wacky cuz I'm not on clomid this month so charting is getting frustrating. My temp finally went way up this morning which should have triggered crosshairs on my chart but they r nowhere to be seen. I guess maybe my post o temps just aren't high enough yet for FF to tell me when O was. Nonetheless, I know it was either Fri or Sat just judging by my ovarian pain. Still crampy today but nothing major. Oh this waiting. I know I say that often! Well, bye for now, will be back in a few days I'm sure :-)
Monday, June 25, 2012
Either 1 dpo or 4 dpo..CD13
Oh this clomid free month is really confusing me! I usually have pretty clear ovulation temps with Fertility Friend but not so much this round. Pinpointing ovulation has become so difficult with clomid. Well I guess it would be difficult without it as well since I have PCOS and don't O regularly on my own.
Here's my chart:
My Ovulation Chart
See the two day temp dip on CD9 and 10? On those two days my cervix was high, soft, and open. I didn't have much cm but since being on clomid I never do anymore. I had a lot earlier in this cycle but it seems to come and go and is very unpredictable. I did OPK's but I'm terrible at doing them consistently and twice a day so every one I've taken has been negative. I had some twingy pains on the evening of CD10 but nothing major. Then yesterday I had tons of pain, like my ovaries felt huge and swollen. Sitting down too hard was excruciating! Today, not so bad but still achey. SOOOO, by my calculations and past experience, I think I O'd Friday or Saturday at the latest. If that's true then WOOHOO! This could be our month! Hubby left Friday for work so that would make our timing perfect! If nothing else, it may have shortened my cycle back to where it used to be and we'll be on schedule next month to O before he leaves. That was my goal of taking a month off. I've GOT to get O to happen before he leaves! It doesn't help that he's always leaving for the night shift so we have to bd early in the morning which doesn't always work out well. He's sleepy and too tired to care, I'm rushing to get to work...all that makes for not so promising bd'ing.
Ever feel like this whole TTC thing is too much, too complicating, too stressful, just plain crazy!? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my husband didn't work 5 1/2 hours away from home every other week. If that weren't a factor I'm sure we would be preggo by now. Crazy how life works out like that. The first month we get clearance to start trying he gets sent out of state to work. UGH it's so tiring and frustrating! Sorry to vent so much but I've just reached that point.
Here's my chart:
My Ovulation Chart
See the two day temp dip on CD9 and 10? On those two days my cervix was high, soft, and open. I didn't have much cm but since being on clomid I never do anymore. I had a lot earlier in this cycle but it seems to come and go and is very unpredictable. I did OPK's but I'm terrible at doing them consistently and twice a day so every one I've taken has been negative. I had some twingy pains on the evening of CD10 but nothing major. Then yesterday I had tons of pain, like my ovaries felt huge and swollen. Sitting down too hard was excruciating! Today, not so bad but still achey. SOOOO, by my calculations and past experience, I think I O'd Friday or Saturday at the latest. If that's true then WOOHOO! This could be our month! Hubby left Friday for work so that would make our timing perfect! If nothing else, it may have shortened my cycle back to where it used to be and we'll be on schedule next month to O before he leaves. That was my goal of taking a month off. I've GOT to get O to happen before he leaves! It doesn't help that he's always leaving for the night shift so we have to bd early in the morning which doesn't always work out well. He's sleepy and too tired to care, I'm rushing to get to work...all that makes for not so promising bd'ing.
Ever feel like this whole TTC thing is too much, too complicating, too stressful, just plain crazy!? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my husband didn't work 5 1/2 hours away from home every other week. If that weren't a factor I'm sure we would be preggo by now. Crazy how life works out like that. The first month we get clearance to start trying he gets sent out of state to work. UGH it's so tiring and frustrating! Sorry to vent so much but I've just reached that point.
Friday, June 22, 2012
O where O where is O?
Yep, waiting to O yet again. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm not on clomid this month. My doc seems to think there's still a chance since he's seen many women stop clomid and turn up preg the next month but I'm not going to get my hopes up! Hubby is leaving today so this morning was last chance to bd for this cycle. I kept thinking yesterday that today might be O day because my temp dropped, my cervix was high soft and open but I didn't really have any cm. At the start of this cycle, right after af, I had tons but now it seems to have disappeared again. Then this morning my cervix is high but firm so that has to mean O's not here yet. I know it's only day 10 but on unmedicated cycles, I usually O on 10 or 11 so I was praying that this month that would happen. I might still have a chance if I O tomorrow or Sunday but any later than that is too late. I really really hate the waiting. Both before O and after, the seemingly endless waiting drives me insane!
Other than waiting for O, nothing new is going on. It's been a fairly uneventful week and now that hubs is gone this next week will be even slower. Really missing my nephew J. Sis is in Kentucky with her hubby and about to go to Michigan for 4 weeks. That's a long time to go without getting some snugglin from my lil piggers. Of course it makes me long even more for my own but at least I get to enjoy him when he's around and he is so much fun! BTW sis seems to be doing ok after the mc. She's sick this week so that worries me but there's nothing I can do for her so far away. Just pray and hope she's ok, physically and mentally.
Guess I better go do some work (o joy) and hope this day goes by fast. Hope this weekend goes by fast and O shows up soon! Fingers crossed, toes crossed, eyes crossed and lots of prayin! God bless ya'll!
Other than waiting for O, nothing new is going on. It's been a fairly uneventful week and now that hubs is gone this next week will be even slower. Really missing my nephew J. Sis is in Kentucky with her hubby and about to go to Michigan for 4 weeks. That's a long time to go without getting some snugglin from my lil piggers. Of course it makes me long even more for my own but at least I get to enjoy him when he's around and he is so much fun! BTW sis seems to be doing ok after the mc. She's sick this week so that worries me but there's nothing I can do for her so far away. Just pray and hope she's ok, physically and mentally.
Guess I better go do some work (o joy) and hope this day goes by fast. Hope this weekend goes by fast and O shows up soon! Fingers crossed, toes crossed, eyes crossed and lots of prayin! God bless ya'll!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Clomid free month
I am on CD 7 of my "clomid break" and I have to say there are some changes. For the last three months on clomid, I've had 0 cm, like it was nonexistent. When before clomid, I could always count on it to let me know when I was nearing O or past it. So far in the last 5 days since my period ended, I have had a whole lot of it. Nothing eggy yet but the fact that there's cm gives me hope that this month we won't have the no ewcm problem we've been having! Other than that, I've had alot of ovarian pain but everything else is pretty hunky dory. I'm not moody, I'm freaking out over little stuff waaay less and I just feel better in general. Not sure what the ovary pain is about and I can't really remember having it this far away from O date but maybe I'm going to O sooner? That's been my prayer this cycle, I HAVE to O sooner for us to catch the egg since my husband works out of town every other week. My doc confirmed that clomid can sometimes delay ovulation and this has been the case with me. I've also heard of those that have long cycles and O very late can O earlier in their cycle with clomid. This is the opposite with me. Before clomid, I was O'ing around cd10 or 11 and after clomid it's gone out to as far as cd19 and cd14 at the earliest. It has also lengthened my LP from 12 days to 15 days. Another problem since that pushes O back too for the following cycle. Sooooo our hopes are that this month without clomid, I will O a bit sooner and have a slightly shorter LP. If we can achieve that, we can at least know that next month we will be a day or two closer to Oing while he is still home.
Our next cycle is to be with clomid, estradiol, and procheive (progesterone suppositories). He gave me a schedule to go by that sort of goes like this: Clomid days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-9, Procheive days 10-either BFN or if BFP to 10 weeks gestation. Since low progesterone has been my issue in the past, the procheive ensures that the progesterone stays high enough to support the pregnancy through the first trimester. The Estradiol is supposed to help with the uterine lining since clomid is notorious for thinning it out too much. If we are still not preggo by then, we will go to IUI. An IUI without a trigger. That's what I'm worried about. If there's no trigger then it's very hard to know exactly when I'll ovulate so I'm kindof aggravated that he won't trigger. His explanation was in the obgyn world, if you use one injectible you have to use them all and his office doesn't do any type of injectibles since they are not fertility specialists or RE's. They also do not monitor anything which is another thing that worries me. But oh well, he's all I've got and all I can afford. To get in with the only RE in town, I would have to get on a 6 month waiting list and my insurance would not pay a dime for any of it. I want to get pregnant but I just don't have the funds to go down the RE road to get there. So faith and prayer and a little help from my obgyn is all I have. Let's hope it's enough! If it's not, then apparently it's not God's will for us to have a baby right now and while that saddens me to think of, He knows best and has a reason that I may or may not ever know.
Our next cycle is to be with clomid, estradiol, and procheive (progesterone suppositories). He gave me a schedule to go by that sort of goes like this: Clomid days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-9, Procheive days 10-either BFN or if BFP to 10 weeks gestation. Since low progesterone has been my issue in the past, the procheive ensures that the progesterone stays high enough to support the pregnancy through the first trimester. The Estradiol is supposed to help with the uterine lining since clomid is notorious for thinning it out too much. If we are still not preggo by then, we will go to IUI. An IUI without a trigger. That's what I'm worried about. If there's no trigger then it's very hard to know exactly when I'll ovulate so I'm kindof aggravated that he won't trigger. His explanation was in the obgyn world, if you use one injectible you have to use them all and his office doesn't do any type of injectibles since they are not fertility specialists or RE's. They also do not monitor anything which is another thing that worries me. But oh well, he's all I've got and all I can afford. To get in with the only RE in town, I would have to get on a 6 month waiting list and my insurance would not pay a dime for any of it. I want to get pregnant but I just don't have the funds to go down the RE road to get there. So faith and prayer and a little help from my obgyn is all I have. Let's hope it's enough! If it's not, then apparently it's not God's will for us to have a baby right now and while that saddens me to think of, He knows best and has a reason that I may or may not ever know.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
The Unwelcome Birthday Gift
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So today's my bday, oh joy..#28. Creeping up on 30, hard to believe! And as a gift, the witch showed up! Happy Birthday to me..I kept thinking yesterday I should have started then but got my hopes up and thought wouldn't it be awesome to get a BFP for my birthday? No such luck, of course!
So on to another cycle. This time my obgyn wants to do a "procheive" cycle and I'm not sure what that means. I know prochieve is a progesterone suppository but I don't know how it is to be used to help conception. Not sure if I want to do clomid again. Since my cycles keep getting longer and longer, delaying ovulation and lengthening my LP, my chances of catching the egg are getting slimmer each cycle. I can't keep going like this or it won't happen. I'm going to ask the nurse when she calls me back about not doing clomid this time and just using procheive to see if maybe I O sooner and my LP goes back to some kind of normalcy. If I could O at least on day 13 or 14 instead of day 15 or 16, within 3 months it would fall before DH leaves for work. So's the delimma..it's really not easy trying to make mother nature cooperate with our timing! Maybe God's telling me to stop trying and just wait. I'm not good at waiting. The more I wait the more hopeless it all seems!
Oh well, nothing to do but hurry up and wait! In the meantime, I will take today as an opportunity to have a giant Mocha Frappe with tons of caffiene and enjoy some cake.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Waiting for AF...again
It's a Monday, that's for sure. Came down with a cold this weekend and it is kicking my butt today! Also woke up to a big temp drop which means AF is sure to come knocking. I totally expected it though. I tested yesterday and of course BFN. Every cycle I fool myself into thinking "maybe this is it!" but logically, I know it's not. We were so off schedule this month and I knew that even though my obgyn assures me the sperm can live for 5 days, that's just not realistic from all the intense research I've done on that. 3 days maybe, but it seems that after that any that are left or no longer healthy. According to FF I ovulated on a Tuesday, according to my calculations it was that Monday. But either way, it was too late. It's always too late! Don't know what we are going to do...at all. There's almost nothing we can do. I feel like doing a couple of un-medicated cycles just to see if I ovulate sooner and my LP goes back to 12 or 13 days but then again, what if that puts me back at square one? Or, should I ask for BC to change when my cycle starts? I don't know and it's really hard to get any input from my obgyn without making a consultation appt. and paying for it because I'm pretty sure at this point my insurance is going to start denying everything. They've already denied all my progesterone draws which is money I have to come up with. I knew we wouldn't be able to conceive without putting a lot of money in though, this is just the tip of the iceberg I'm afraid. Next step will probably IUI which is Waaaay more expensive than my $9 clomid scripts and I'm praying we don't have to go that far.
On other fronts, well, there aren't any. All of my life revolves around ttc and it seems nothing else is happening! Well, a very sad thing happened last week that we were expecting to happen. My sis finally lost the baby. She was told there was no heartbeat about a week 1/2 ago and they said she would miscarry any day. She texted me on Sat and told me she was really sick and didn't know why. I had a feeling it was due to the miscarriage since I've heard you can get flu-like symptoms with it. She said she thought she passed the placenta the day before but she has to go back to the Dr. this week to see if there's anything left. How crude is that? Any"thing" left. I hate it. I hate thinking of it and it's one of my biggest fears. What if I have to go through that? I can't imagine it but I know it happens to so many. My heart just aches for those that have faced m/c and loss of a baby. No matter how small. And here I am, whining and having a pity party because I can't get pregnant. When I start thinking of things like that, like knowing so many get pregnant only to lose it, I start feeling really bad and guilty. But I know that does no good. We are all in a journey, where we are on that journey is where God has allowed us to be. And while this point in my journey feels absolutely awful right now, there are so many others who feel worse. Either because they have endured it longer or have experienced loss or have had to face the realization that it can't happen. I have to choose to be thankful for where I am and rejoice. It's so hard but it is a choice that I can make.
~Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..James 1:2~
BTW, a big HELLO! and WELCOME! to my 1 follower! I didn't think I'd ever have any so I'm sooo excited you've joined me and I will continue to follow your journey and pray for you as well! :-)
On other fronts, well, there aren't any. All of my life revolves around ttc and it seems nothing else is happening! Well, a very sad thing happened last week that we were expecting to happen. My sis finally lost the baby. She was told there was no heartbeat about a week 1/2 ago and they said she would miscarry any day. She texted me on Sat and told me she was really sick and didn't know why. I had a feeling it was due to the miscarriage since I've heard you can get flu-like symptoms with it. She said she thought she passed the placenta the day before but she has to go back to the Dr. this week to see if there's anything left. How crude is that? Any"thing" left. I hate it. I hate thinking of it and it's one of my biggest fears. What if I have to go through that? I can't imagine it but I know it happens to so many. My heart just aches for those that have faced m/c and loss of a baby. No matter how small. And here I am, whining and having a pity party because I can't get pregnant. When I start thinking of things like that, like knowing so many get pregnant only to lose it, I start feeling really bad and guilty. But I know that does no good. We are all in a journey, where we are on that journey is where God has allowed us to be. And while this point in my journey feels absolutely awful right now, there are so many others who feel worse. Either because they have endured it longer or have experienced loss or have had to face the realization that it can't happen. I have to choose to be thankful for where I am and rejoice. It's so hard but it is a choice that I can make.
~Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..James 1:2~
BTW, a big HELLO! and WELCOME! to my 1 follower! I didn't think I'd ever have any so I'm sooo excited you've joined me and I will continue to follow your journey and pray for you as well! :-)
Thursday, June 7, 2012
9-10 dpo..To Test or Not to Test?
Getting closer and closer to AF day but not close enough! Just watched a youtube vid of a new mom w/PCOS who got her BFP yesterday at 10dpo. Watched one yesterday of a BFP on 11 dpo. Wondering if I should test tomorrow? I'm still unsure of my O date since FF says it was one day later than I thought it was but my OPK strips didn't work well for me this time. I don't know if the one I though was positive really was or if I missed the surge so I'm sticking with what my gut says which makes today 10dpo. Probably hopeful thinking but with not much hope to be had around here, I'll take it!
Another boring day at work by myself working extra hours with no work to do. Sooo I'm just trying to fill up the hours until quittin time. I soo need a vacation! Not sure where to go though. Was thinking Memphis which is not too far away, or Missouri or Gulfport. Not sure if I want to hang out in the mountains or on the beach. Tough decision! One way or another, gotta go somewhere before I go stir crazy!
Anyhoo, not much to say. Still playin the waiting game.
Another boring day at work by myself working extra hours with no work to do. Sooo I'm just trying to fill up the hours until quittin time. I soo need a vacation! Not sure where to go though. Was thinking Memphis which is not too far away, or Missouri or Gulfport. Not sure if I want to hang out in the mountains or on the beach. Tough decision! One way or another, gotta go somewhere before I go stir crazy!
Anyhoo, not much to say. Still playin the waiting game.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
7-8 dpo and Restless
This TWW thing is getting old! At some point you get tired of analyzing symptoms and scouring the internet for others who got BFP's and have your exact symptoms. I know I've reached that point. I woke up today sick with a cold, throat is killing me and I'm exhausted. Wait, I've heard cold symptoms could be a sign! ugh, I'm even annoying myself now! lol
But that's where I am...discouraged, tired, fed up...why am I so negative lately? I guess it's God's way of saying "See where you get when you rely on your plans and your timing?"...nowhere. I am used to getting things done the way I want them done and when I want them done so maybe this is Him teaching me a much needed lesson. Well, like a disobedient child, being taught a lesson is usually not fun!
Nonetheless, we'll keep on chuggin along and facing every obstacle as we come to it. Here's my symptoms so far:
1dpo: nothing, just lots of pain from O
2-5dpo: heartburn, backache
6dpo: fatigue, heartburn, feeling down
7dpo: fatigue, feeling down, stressed out
8dpo: sick with sore throat/cold, headache, nausea (not sure what from), fatigue, feeling down
But that's where I am...discouraged, tired, fed up...why am I so negative lately? I guess it's God's way of saying "See where you get when you rely on your plans and your timing?"...nowhere. I am used to getting things done the way I want them done and when I want them done so maybe this is Him teaching me a much needed lesson. Well, like a disobedient child, being taught a lesson is usually not fun!
Nonetheless, we'll keep on chuggin along and facing every obstacle as we come to it. Here's my symptoms so far:
1dpo: nothing, just lots of pain from O
2-5dpo: heartburn, backache
6dpo: fatigue, heartburn, feeling down
7dpo: fatigue, feeling down, stressed out
8dpo: sick with sore throat/cold, headache, nausea (not sure what from), fatigue, feeling down
Friday, June 1, 2012
Very sad day
Well, we found out yesterday that my little sister is losing her baby. No reason why but I feel like maybe her body just wasn't ready to carry another one so soon after giving birth. But it's still so very heartbreaking. I can't imagine being in her shoes and dealing with that kind of pain. I hope I never have to. So if you pray, please pray for her and her husband as they go through this.
As far as my own issues go, ovulated on Tues according to my FF chart which really really sucks! I was hoping it was Monday but my temp shift indicates Tues so that means we are out again this month. I'm so done with this frustration. I'm trying my best to just not care. It's not gonna happen apparently. Yes, today I'm a glass half empty kinda person. Usually I'm more optimistic but after so much disappointment over and over and over again, I'm not feeling any hope.
As far as my own issues go, ovulated on Tues according to my FF chart which really really sucks! I was hoping it was Monday but my temp shift indicates Tues so that means we are out again this month. I'm so done with this frustration. I'm trying my best to just not care. It's not gonna happen apparently. Yes, today I'm a glass half empty kinda person. Usually I'm more optimistic but after so much disappointment over and over and over again, I'm not feeling any hope.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
1 DPO? not sure
So you'd think after ttc for more than 6 months I would be able to pinpoint ovulation by now but it's just not that easy. It seems that clomid is really throwing all of my cycles out of wack. One is never the same as another, not my ovulation day and not my luteal phase. What's frustrating is my luteal phase should be pretty constant but one month it was 14, then 12, then 15..it's so frustrating! I'm pretty sure I O'd yesterday but must have missed the surge because I had all the signs and symptoms and was miserable all day. Tons of ovary pain and even nausea. My temp dropped 2 days ago and is now rising but is still way below my pre-O temps which is odd but I'm not really feeling any pain today, just some achiness and fatigue. My hubby left for work Friday morning so we bd'd early that morning and I did the softcup thing all day. So FX and prayers that I really did O yesterday and we still have a chance. I'm starting to feel like we never will. With the clomid always making everything later and longer it seems I'll ALWAYS ovulate smack dab in the middle of the week he's gone which will never ever work out UGH! I'm gonna discuss it with my obgyn the next time I call and see if he has any suggestions. I try with his nurses but they seem to be totally clueless as to how all this works, they don't even know much about clomid. So getting my actual message to my doc without actually seeing him seems to NEVER happen. I'm sooo tired!
Well enough complaining about that. I went to a baby's funeral Sunday. My friend from highschool lost her baby boy in utero. I think it was because of her pre-eclampsia and diabetes but I'm not for sure. But it was sooo sad. Such a tiny casket. All I could think of was the tiny baby inside and what she must be feeling. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pain and I hope I never have to.
On other fronts, working on remodeling the house. Painting the living room this week I hope, bathroom next week, then kitchen. The kitchen and bath will be a nightmare. There's 10 years of wallpaper and paint on those walls and I am NOT going to paint over it. The previous owners put some horrible texture on the kitchen walls, I can't even fathom what they were thinking. It's a deep red satin and its shiny and hideous. Oh, I can't stand it! The more we work on this house the more I think, why the heck didn't I notice all this crap before we bought it?? Oh well, hindsight 20/20. All we can do is move forward and hope we can get it in decent sellable shape before we grow out of it.
Guess that's all for now. Another boring post, I know!
Well enough complaining about that. I went to a baby's funeral Sunday. My friend from highschool lost her baby boy in utero. I think it was because of her pre-eclampsia and diabetes but I'm not for sure. But it was sooo sad. Such a tiny casket. All I could think of was the tiny baby inside and what she must be feeling. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pain and I hope I never have to.
On other fronts, working on remodeling the house. Painting the living room this week I hope, bathroom next week, then kitchen. The kitchen and bath will be a nightmare. There's 10 years of wallpaper and paint on those walls and I am NOT going to paint over it. The previous owners put some horrible texture on the kitchen walls, I can't even fathom what they were thinking. It's a deep red satin and its shiny and hideous. Oh, I can't stand it! The more we work on this house the more I think, why the heck didn't I notice all this crap before we bought it?? Oh well, hindsight 20/20. All we can do is move forward and hope we can get it in decent sellable shape before we grow out of it.
Guess that's all for now. Another boring post, I know!
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